Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, Squaresoft does, and I don't own the show Love Cruise.

Note: You know when I said that there were four people older than eighteen in the beginning (Quistis, Seifer, Cid, & Edea)? Well I forgot about Xu. Let's just say that she's a year older than Quistis & Seifer which puts her at twenty.

Final Fantasy Love Cruise
A Reality Fanfiction

Part 4: Betting Games

Commercial:

(Zell's running down a busy street with his hands in front of him as if gripping a steering wheel and making car noises. There's a bumper sticker on his butt that reads 'Honk if you like to party'. He stops behind another car and waits a moment but when the light turns green the car still sat there.)

Zell: (shouting) Hey! Move it buddy! BEEP! BEEP!

Voice: Has your car insurance been cancelled because you can't pay for it?

Zell: (nodding) Of course it has. I wouldn't be making an ass of myself otherwise.

Voice: Then call 1-800-861-8380. Geico can save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance and you can drive your car again.

(Zell pulls up to a house and pretends to park. Then he calls for his date at the top of his voice.)

Zell: Melissa! Come on out or we'll be late for the movie!

Melissa: (looking out the window on the second floor) Are you insane? I'm not going anywhere with a man who's driving himself down the road!

Voice: Call or visit our website at www.geico.com.You won't regret it.

 

Now, on on with the show!

(Scene: It's the hallway between Seifer and Squall's rooms. Some terrible yelling is coming from inside Squall and Rinoa's cabin and Seifer's door is cracked slightly to allow his head to stick through.)

Rinoa: (grunting with some great effort) Squall! Get out of there! I won't bite!

Squall: NO I WILL NOT!

Seifer: (stepping out into the hall way in just a pair of boxers and knocking on their door) What the hell is going on in there? Don't you know people are still sleeping at this time of morning?!

Squall: (still yelling) SEIFER HELP ME!

(Seifer turned the doorknob and found the door locked. Then he rammed against the door with his shoulder and it still didn't come open. Finally he crossed the hallway, gained some speed, and ran at the door. Rinoa opened it from the other side and Seifer ran through the doorway and thudded against the wall across the room.)

Seifer: (lying dazed on the floor) Squall, the crap I go through to help you out.

Rinoa: He's going with me to the pool and nothing you can do will change that!

Seifer: (rising to his feet) Now you're supposed to laugh.

Rinoa: Huh?

Seifer: Like this. MWHAHAHAHAHA!

Rinoa: (blinking) Seifer, were you dropped on your head as a child?

Squall: (shouting) Hello? I'm still here and in need of assistance!

Seifer: (grabbing Rinoa around her waist) Oh right!

Rinoa: (blushing) Seifer! This is just so... so sudden!

Seifer: (literally dropping her in the hallway and slamming the door shut) Goodbye! (then he locks it)

Rinoa: (wailing and pounding on the door with her fists) SEIFER! SQUALL! LET ME BACK IN!

(She falls silent for a moment and Seifer thinks that she's gone.)

Seifer: Well, Squall-

Rinoa: I'm gonna tell everyone that you locked me out of the room so that you two could have some time alone!

Squall: (jerking open the bathroom door) WHAT?! NO!

(Squall runs to the cabin door screaming at Rinoa.)

Seifer: You act like I've got the plague or something! Don't insult me like this!

Squall: (opening the door and running after Rinoa) You're a guy!

Seifer: (running after him) But I'm a *cute* guy!

(Scene: Edea and Cid's room. Cid is writing something on a pad while Edea is choosing a dress from the closet.)

Edea: Cid are you going to come above deck with me? They're asking for you.

Cid: (muttering) In a moment, dear, I have to take care of this before those idiots at Garden screw things up.

Edea: (rolling her eyes) The only way you're going to get that to them is a carrier pigeon.

Cid: (grinning) That's where you're wrong. (he takes a GF orb from his pocket and holds it up so that it catches the sunlight from outside) I borrowed this from Squall before this cruise began. Quetzacoatl I summon you.

(The mighty god of thunder exploded like a bolt of lightening through the small porthole in the cabin. After sealing the letter into an envelope, addressing it, and stamping it with his special seal he handed it to Quetzacoatl who did whatever it was that he did with it. Then the guardian force flew off over the ocean.)

Cid: (turning back around) You see, Edea? Everything's taken care of? (While he was busy having his letter delievered, Edea disappeared.) Ah damn. Now I'm going to have to make it up to her tonight.

(Scene: the bar. Quistis is idly stirring a drink while Selphie and Zell have their heads down on the table and moaning in pain.)

Selphie: I will never, ever, EVER get a sugar rush and a hangover at the same time.

Zell: (groaning) Ugh.

Rinoa: (entering the room cheerfully and holding a bag) GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!

Selphie: (glaring at her) Can't you be just a tiny bit quieter?

Rinoa: (smiling sweetly and holding the bag behind her back) Guess what I have guys!

Selphie: If it isn't aspirin I don't want it.

Zell: (blinking blurrily at her) Go 'way.

Rinoa: (in a sing-song voice) It'll make the pain go away....

(Both Zell and Selphie looked at her at the same time)

Zell & Selphie: (in unison) What is it?

Rinoa: (she opened the bag and reached her hand inside) Tootsie Roll Pops!

Selphie: More sugar?! Haven't you been listening to us moan in pain for the past five minutes?

Rinoa: Listen, guys. If you have a hangover what do you do?

Zell: Kill yourself?

Rinoa: (making a buzzer noise) Wrong! You drink even more alcohol. When you love sugar as much as you two guys do then you become addicts. The only way to make the pain go away is to get more.

Zell: Do you know how stupid that sounds?

Quistis: (getting an idea) Now wait a minute. Rinoa may actually have a point here.

Rinoa: (brightening) You really think so, Quisty?

Quistis: (smirking slightly) Of course I do. Now all you two need to do is consume as much sugar as you can. Eventually the pain will go away.

Selphie: Give 'em here then! (she snatches the bag away) I claim blueberry and cherry!

Zell: (whining) That's not fair! I wanted cherry!

Selphie: You can have orange and chocolate.

Zell: But I don't like chocolate.

Selphie: Well neither do I!

Rinoa: (taking the bag from Selphie) I'll get the chocolate ones then. Maybe I can share them with Squall.

Quistis: (rolling her eyes) I'd like to see you try.

Rinoa: (getting angry) Just when I thought you were my friend here you go again!

Quistis: I bet you twenty gil that you can't seduce Squall tonight.

Rinoa: Oh? I bet you the same amount that *you* can't seduce Squall tonight!

Zell: I want in! This is gonna be good!

Irvine: (entering the bar) What's gonna be good? (Edea, Raijin, Fujin, and the girl from the library enters)

Selphie: Quistis and Rinoa are having a competition to see who can seduce Squall first. I'm putting my money on Quistis.

Zell: Me too.

(Irvine and Fujin also bet on Quistis.)

Rinoa: (pouting) What about me? Who's going to bet on me?

Edea: (feeling sorry for her) I'll be happy to place my money on you, Rinoa.

Raijin: Yeah! Me too, ya know.

GFL: (joining in) You might win after all.

(Selphie unwraps a blueberry tootsie roll pop and sighs as she tastes the sugar)

Selphie: I think it's working already. Hey Zell, how many licks do you think it'll take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Zell: (shrugging and unwrapping one of his own) I have no idea. Why don't you ask Rinoa?

Selphie: Rinoa, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Rinoa: (scribbing something down on a napkin) I don't have time for games right now, Selphie. I have to plan my conquest!

Irvine: I think one-hundred, Sephie.

Selphie: (smiling around her sucker) Would you be willing to place money on it?

Irvine: Sure, why not. I bet five gil that it takes one-hundred licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

Seifer: (strolling in and taking a seat) What's going on here?

Zell: (removing is tootsie pop for a moment) Rinoa and Quistis are trying to seduce Squall, we made bets on that one.

Seifer: How much?

Zell: Twenty gil. We're also betting five gil on how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

Seifer: My money goes on Quistis and I think it takes two-hundred licks.

Raijin: One-thousand!

Fujin: (snorting at Raijin's bet) ONE SEVENTY-FIVE.

Zell: Four-hundred twenty.

Squall: (entering with Cid) What's going on here? (Laguna and his crew are right behind them)

Zell: We just bet that Quistis and Rinoa- (both girls cover up his mouth)

Rinoa & Quistis: (in unison) Nothing!

Irvine: We *really* bet on how many licks it will take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop. I said one-hundred. Do you want in?

Squall: Why not? I say two-hundred fifty-five.

Selphie: We're going to see for real after Zell and I finish these we have now.

Rinoa: (pushing past all of the people) Well I have a mission. See you guys later.

Quistis: (downing the last of her drink) Me too. See you later Squall.

Squall: (after the two girls are gone) What's going on with them?

Irvine: Absolutely, positively, nothing Squall my man. What do you say we head off to the pool?

(Nida and Xu, who are just close friends, enter together. Squall immediately spots Xu and brings out his cards.)

Xu: (groaning) Goddess Squall! Not again! (she practically runs out of the bar)

Squall: (running after her) Come on! One game of Triple Triad!

Seifer: (shaking his head) Squall is so pathetic.

Zell: (not really listening) How pathetic is he?

Seifer: It wasn't a joke, Chickenwuss.

Irvine: (taking over) Squall's so pathetic that he can't tell when a girl is hitting on him.

(Crickets chirp)

Seifer: (smirking at Irvine as he leaves the bar) That's why you should leave the joke telling to the professionals, Wannabe Cowboy.

Cid: Edea and I will count how many licks you two take. Don't suck on the thing, alright?

Selphie: I'll try but I always end up forgetting. (she tosses the clean stick and picks out a cherry tootsie pop this time)

Edea: (waiting a second for Zell) Ready! Set! Go!

(Scene: the pool. Rinoa and Quistis vanished to get their plans ready and Squall had cornered Xu at the stern by the railing.)

Xu: I refuse to play cards with you Squall!

Squall: (practically begging) Please! Pretty please with sugar on top!

Xu: (sighing) Fine. (she takes cards and then throws them into the water)

Squall: (screaming) NOOOOOO! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! (he quickly climbs the railing) I will never be apart from you! Squally's coming for you! (he jumps out into the water)

Xu: (shouting in disbelief) You idiot! What did you do that for?!

(Everyone runs to the railing)

Laguna: What happened? (he sees Squall) Son! Are you okay? Did this girl push you over in an attempt to take your life?

Xu: (blinking in shock) *What*? This idiot jumped over the side because I threw his stupid Triple Triad cards into the water.

(She grabs the flotation device that's attacted by a rope and tosses it out to him. By this time he's got all his cards and he gladly grabs it. Laguna, Xu, and Ward haul him in.)

Xu: What's wrong with you?!

Squall: (trying vainly to dry his cards) Do you know how long it took me to collect all of these cards? The only way these babies are leaving my sight is if I die. Do you got that?

Xu: (turning towards the Laguna) Does this ship have a shrink?

Laguna: I think so. Why?

Xu: Squall here needs to visit him right away! (she grabs Squall's wet arm) Here we go, Squall. Off to see the nice doctor.

Squall: I'm not crazy!

Xu: Sure you're not. No one thinks you are.

(Scene: the pool later that evening. The time has come for Quistis and Rinoa to try and seduce Squall. Everyone is relaxing except Raijin and Zell who are swimming laps. Rinoa slowly walks toward Squall with only trench coat on.)

Irvine: (excitedly) Is it starting?

Seifer: Yep. It sure is!

(Rinoa sits in Squall's lap and he blinks at her in confusion)

Squall: What do you want, Rinoa?

Rinoa: (in a low voice) I want you, Squally.

Squall: (blushing faintly as her trench gapes) Uh...

Rinoa: (wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his neck) I. Want. You. Squall.

Squall: (blushing bright red and jumping to his feet) I can't do that with you, Rinoa!

Rinoa: (from the ground) What do you mean? You need Viagra or something?

Squall: No I can't because I don't know where you've been. I don't want to catch nothin' from you!

(Everyone bursts into laughter except Rinoa of course)

Rinoa: (wailing) I don't have a disease!

Squall: How do *I* know that?

(Rinoa continues to scream while Quistis comes out with her normal pink dress on. She doesn't have anything special in sight.)

Quistis: How are you doing this evening, Squall? (she takes the empty seat beside him)

Squall: (no longer feeling threatened) I'm fine, Quisty. How are you?

Quistis: (pulling something in plastic from her pocket) Look what I have...

Squall: (awed) A first edition, holographic, Japanese Charizard! Can I touch it?

Quistis: (waving it in front of his face) I have something a lot better. I'll let you have it if you do something for me....

Squall: (gazing at the card with wide eyes) Anything!

Quistis: Come and be with me tonight and in the morning you can have this card.

(Squall jumps to his feet and grabs Quistis in a hug)

Squall: I love you! Do you know that?

Quistis: (smirking in Rinoa's direction) Yes, of course. (she puts an arm around his waist) Come along Squall.

(There's silence as the two walk away)

Irvine: That was different.

Cid: Yes, but it worked.

Seifer: (eyes widening) Hey! Where am I supposed to sleep tonight?

Rinoa: (suddenly wrapped around Seifer) There's always room in my bed!

Seifer: (screaming) NOOOOOOO!

Laguna: How did Squall's therapy turn out? Will Quistis and Squall really have sex? What about Seifer? Will he survive Rinoa's attentions? How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? Stay tuned for the next very exciting episode of Final Fantasy Love Cruise!