Disclaimer: I don’t own DBZ or any of the characters.
Last time on Once Upon a Dragon Ball…
Bulma left Vegeta for Yamcha
Everyone started a therapy session
3 days after the first session of therapy…
(the whole other 2 days were spent on the Briefs’ family problems and we all know what those are)
At Yamcha’s house…
(Bulma is at the window, she opens it and hears singing, truly horrible singing)
???: You are so beautiful to me…
Bulma: What the…?
(she looks out and sees Vegeta with a tape deck)
Vegeta: Can’t you see?
(Bulma hurries to close the window)
Bulma: That was scary.
Yamcha: (coming into the room) It’s been like that ever since you left with me. All the other times he came over, you were asleep.
Vegeta: (shouting) Come back to me, my Bulma! Come back to me!
Bulma: As if the constant phone calls, candy, and flowers weren’t enough. (she looks at all the stuffed animals, the bouquets of roses, and the 50-pound box of chocolates)
Yamcha: Well, it’s time for today’s therapy. Let’s go.
About 20 minutes later…
(we’re in the same room again. Dr. S is seated at his desk and everyone else is in his or her respective seats. Goku, Gohan, ChiChi, Goten, Pan, and Videl in one row, 18, Marron, Krillin, and Piccolo in one row, Tien, Yamcha, and Choutzu in one row, Vegeta off by himself in the back, and Bulma, Bra, & Trunks in the very front.)
Dr. S: Today we discuss the Son family problems.
Vegeta: (sarcastically) Oh, goody!
Dr. S: Quiet Vegeta! You had your turn!
Vegeta: But I need to know how to get Bulma back!
Trunks: Dad, stop it! You had your chance and you blew it!
(Vegeta’s fists clench and he goes SSJ2)
Trunks: I don’t want to fight you. I’m just stating facts.
Vegeta: (sighing deeply and going back to normal) You’re right. (calling to the front of the room) I love you, my darling! Please come back to me soon!
(there is some muffled laughing (Goku) and Bulma turns bright red)
Dr. S: Back to the discussion. Now Goku, what is your problem?
Goku: None. ChiChi’s the one with the problem.
Vegeta: Now who’s in denial this time, eh?
Goku: (screaming) WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU MIDGET?? (quickly goes SSJ4)
Vegeta: Eeep. I’m sorry!
Goku: (back to normal) That’s right. (to doctor) Now Dr. S, I had a lot of love to give and ChiChi didn’t want any of it. (under breath) That bitch. (back out loud) So I gave it to my childhood pal Bulma. We just went a little too far, that’s all.
ChiChi: A little? You * censored * her and got her pregnant!
Dr. S: Mrs. Son, watch your mouth please!
ChiChi: Sorry, but it needed to be said.
Dr. S: I understand. Any thing else, Goku?
Goku: Naw.
Dr. S: Goten, Gohan, how do you feel about all of this?
Gohan: I don’t really care. It’s not my business.
Goten: How do you think I feel? My dad got busy with my best friend’s mom! That’s awful! (to Goku) Dad, how could you? You ruined the family! (starts to cry)
ChiChi: My poor little baby. (starts to comfort him) It’s okay, it’s okay.
Goku: (looking rather guilty) I am soooo sorry! I didn’t mean for all of this to happen. Bulma, how far along are you?
Bulma: Oh, about 2 months.
Goku: Only 2 months? I have a simple solution; Bulma can get an abortion!
Bulma: WHAT? I will not kill an unborn child! That’s awful!
Goku: But it would solve all of these problems! If you want more kids have ‘em with Vegeta!
(Vegeta’s face brightens and he starts to nod his head)
Bulma: No way! I’m tired of short kids; you’re tall Goku.
Trunks and Bra: HEY!
Bra: We’re not short, we’re vertically challenged!
Vegeta: You tell her kids!
Bulma: Sorry, Vegeta stay your short, stupid ass out of this!
(Vegeta looks hurt and says…)
Vegeta: (pouting) You hurt my feelings! I demand an apology!
Bulma: (shocked) Vegeta, you don’t even have feelings I * can * hurt!
Vegeta: but still…
Bulma: Okay, okay. I’m sorry! There, are you happy now?
Vegeta: (nods) Very.
Dr. S: Can we please stick to the subject here! We never get completely through a problem in one day! The first session, what happened…
Yamcha: Vegeta broke down and begged Bulma not to leave him.
Dr. S: The second session what happened…
Tien: There was a big fight between Vegeta and Goku. The former had to spend some time in the ER.
Dr. S: Yesterdays session, what happened…
Krillin: There almost was an encore presentation of the ChiChi/Bulma fight.
Dr. S: You see? But this is on Bulma ‘cuz she’s the one paying for this.
Bulma: That’s right! You guys are wasting all of my money. Come on hurry it up already!
Dr. S: Pan, how do you feel about this?
Pan: It’s devastating that my Grandpa is like that! I mean my Trunksy-poo would never do something like that and his family is being torn apart! I mean (shoots Trunks a look) He better not cheat on me or I’ll… (stops completely to let words sink in. it works.)
Trunks: (frightened) I wouldn’t do that Pan-chan. I love you too much! (in his mind) I also love all of my body in one piece. She would go Bobbit on me!
Vegeta: Bulma baby, do you love me?
Bulma: Well, I did. Or I thought I did. I don’t know why ChiChi stays with Son-kun.
ChiChi: You know what? I don’t know why I’m with him either!
Bulma: Excuse me ChiChi, it wasn’t your turn!
ChiChi: Well, it wasn’t yours either!
Bra: Mama, she has a point. It was Pan’s.
Bulma: (rolls eyes) Whatever.
(Pan jumps up, but Videl calms her down)
Bulma: Well when I married you Vegeta, I love you, but when you cheat on me, with an alien no less, it hurts.
Vegeta: I didn’t mean to hurt you!
Bulma: It’s too late buddy, waaaaay too late!
Vegeta: (gets up and goes to a corner and starts to cry) Nobody wants me!
Dr. S: (ignoring all of this) Krillin, how do you feel about your bestfriends actions?
Krillin: What I think has already been said. It’s awful.
Goku: I tried to correct my mistake, but nooooo Bulma doesn’t want to get rid of the brat!
ChiChi: (leans over and smacks him) Goku! Don’t say things like that! I agree with her, don’t kill an unborn child. She can give it up for adoption.
Bulma: (not really listening) Yeah I can…. WHAT? I WON’T DO THAT EITHER!
(the argument goes on and on and on finally when Dr. S has a migraine headache…)
Dr. S: That’s it! I can’t take it anymore! Tomorrow’s your last time to come and I’m taking extreme measures. There will be a * special * session tomorrow!
What will the special thing be? Will it help? Stay tuned to the next episode of Once Upon a Dragon Ball!