Once Upon a Dragon Ball
Disclaimer: I don’t own DBZ or any of the characters.
Last time on Once Upon a Dragon Ball…
Goku is now terrified of ChiChi
Vegeta and Piccolo progressed their already weird relationship
Yamcha and everyone decided to go to group therapy
(scene open in a fairly large room where everyone who signed up for therapy are sitting in folding chairs explaining their problems)
Bra: Well, you see doctor, my mama cheated on my papa with my older brother’s best friends’ father and is pregnant with his child, while my papa likes a tall, green alien from Namek.
(the doctor is confused and really doesn’t believe her)
Doctor: Tell me the true story, Bra. Don’t cover it up.
Goten: That * is * the true story. I’m her brother’s best friend. I know.
(then the door opens and Bulma and Trunks walk in)
Trunks: Mom and I got your message, little sister. So here we are.
Bra: That’s my mama and brother! Ask them!
Doctor: Ma’am, your daughter told me this unbelievable story. She said that you are pregnant with your son’s best friend’s fathers’ baby and your husband is with a green alien from Namek.
Bulma: That’s right.
Doctor: (looking a little strange) I need to sit down for this one. (into intercom on his desk) Laura, cancel all of my appointments. This is going to take a while.
Laura: Yes doctor.
Doctor: (to people in the room) Now, this is the most unusual case I’ve ever counseled. You might have to come back lots of times before this is completely resolved and this will be expensive.
Trunks: Don’t worry. We’ll pay. My mom owns the Capsule Corp. We’re loaded!
(the doctor starts to look eager)
Bulma: You better not overcharge us either because I’ll sue you faster than you can say, "One of my patients husband is in love with a green alien from Namek". Got that?
Doctor: (looking disappointed) Yeah.
(the door opens again and ChiChi comes in practically dragging Goku with her)
Goku: Please don’t hurt me again! Oh, and Bulma. I called * him * for you.
Bulma: Thanks Goku.
Doctor: Well, who do we have here now?
Gohan: This is my dad and mom. Bulma is having * his * baby.
Doctor: You didn’t say that he was married!
Pan: Well you know now.
Doctor: And what relation are you to them?
Pan: I’m married to Trunks over there and Gohan and Videl are my parents.
Doctor: Oookay. Now, -
(he’s interrupted by the door again. Two people enter, guess who!" Everyone by this time have gotten chairs and sat down)
Doctor: I take it you’re Bulma’s husband and * you’re * the green alien from Namek.
Piccolo: (rolls eyes and says in a very sarcastic voice) Nooooo! How’d you ever guess?
(they come over and sit down. every one in the immediate are get up and move away)
Doctor: (completely missing sarcasm) I have my ways.
Doctor: Since everyone’s here, (looks to everyone for confirmation. They nod) I’ll begin. You people have serious issues,
Tien: Duh!
Doctor: but since I’m the greatest I’m going to solve them. For starters, I’m Doctor S.
Choutzu: What’s the S for?
Doctor S: Stanyokovennivich.
Choutzu: Sorry I asked.
Doctor S: Anyway, I will start with Bulma and her family. First of all say your name and state your problem.
Bulma: Well I’m Bulma Briefs and I am pregnant with Son Goku’s child.
Bra: I’m Bra Briefs and I’m related to these freaks.
Trunks: I’m Trunks Briefs and ditto.
Vegeta: I’m Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyans, your worst nightmare and I have no problem!
Goku: (sing-songy) Vegeta’s in denial! Vegeta’s in denial!
Vegeta: Shut up, Kakarott!
Doctor S: Calm down Vegeta and Goku. Vegeta, you love an alien and you have a problem with Mr. Son’s name, is that correct?
Vegeta: Yeah, I guess so.
Doctor: Do you love Bulma?
Vegeta: (looks around nervously) You know my answer!
(everyone looks at him and lean in closer)
Doctor S: I want you to say it Vegeta.
Vegeta: mumble, mumble, mumble.
Goku: What was that? We didn’t hear you!
Vegeta: I SAID I LOVE HER WITH ALL OF MY HEART!
Everyone except Bulma: Awwwww!
Bulma: I can’t believe you said that! (sniff) That is just soooo great! (starts to cry)
Doctor: But you love Piccolo too?
Vegeta: Fine. I was lonely okay! Since she’s (points to Bulma) all pregnant and everything she never wants to *do stuff * anymore!
Piccolo: You only wanted me for my body?
Vegeta: Well, yeah!
Piccolo: (about to cry) I can’t believe you used me! Men are all the same!
Videl, Pan, and ChiChi: You got that right!
Videl: It’s okay Piccolo. We feel your pain, we understand.
Pan: Group hug!
(Videl, ChiChi, Piccolo, and Pan all hug. They give Piccolo words of comfort)
Bulma: You did that to him? You dog! I can’t believe I married you!
18: So what are you going to do now Bulma?
Krillin: You can come live with us for a while until this is all straightened out.
Marron: We don’t mind. We’ll be happy to help!
Bulma: Thanks. (she gets up and walks over to them)
Vegeta: Bulma, please! I love you! Don’t leave me! (he drops down onto his knees in front of her) I’m begging you!
(up on Dende’s Lookout)
Dende: Sometimes PoPo, even I can be amazed.
(back to the therapy)
Bulma: You are so pathetic! (she kicks him with her right foot) I know someone who’ll love me!
Yamcha: Who?
(everyone except Vegeta looks at him like he’s stupid)
Yamcha: Oh! I will treat you right, Bulma! You deserve better than an ape anyway.
Vegeta: You are soooo lucky I’m in emotional pain right now. If I weren’t, my foot would be up your-
Bulma: (interrupting) Stop threatening him!
(Dende’s Lookout)
Dende: This is better than Sally, Jenny Jones, and Springer put together! Too bad we can’t tape it.
PoPo: (wistfully) Yeah.
(back to therapy)
Doctor: (looks at clock. It’s now about 7:00 at night) Well, that’s about all for today. Come back tomorrow, alright?
Everyone: Fine.
(they all get up and walk out. Krillin, 18 and Marron together, Trunks and Pan together, Gohan and Videl together, Bra with Goten, Tien with Choutzu, Goku running away with ChiChi right behind him, Yamcha next to Bulma and Vegeta close on Bulma’s heels)
Bulma: Hey Krillin, I’m going to go with Yamcha, okay?
Krillin: That’s fine. Bye.
Bulma: Bye!
(they all get into their respective cars and pull off. Yamcha and Bulma a little later than the rest because they had to pry Vegeta off the windshield)
What happens to the Vegeta-Bulma relationship? Does everything work out okay? How much does this therapy actually cost anyway? Stay tuned to the next episode of Once Upon a Dragon Ball!