Just for reference (and because since I was confusing myself, I'm sure I was doing the same to others): Chapter 1 was Thursday, chapters 2 & 3 were both Friday, chapters 4 & 5 were both Saturday, and this one is Sunday. I set it up this way *completely* by accident, but it worked out okay in the end. Even longer note at the end.
The Fifth Fiancé
The next day brought word of yet another uninvited visitor. The telegram came quickly, if not oddly. Addressed to Ranma, confirmed by Shampoo, it spoke of unseen chaos and catastrophe.
Shampoo's great-grandmother was coming to visit.
And it irritated Son Pan to no end.
"Where is she going to stay? There are perfectly good hotels all over the city!" She grumbled over breakfast.
"Now Pan, you can't expect her to stay in a hotel where she could have the comfort of someone's personal home." Videl ate the last of her cereal as her daughter gulped. "She will be staying at the Capsule Corporation."
Pan smiled in relief. "Good."
"No, no, and for the last time NO!" Vegeta yelled not ten minutes after the Sons' discussion over their morning meal. Videl had called the house earlier with the request. "We're not a boarding house!"
"But Veggie-chan! She has no other place to go!" Bulma said.
"I mean it onna!" He said firmly. "I'm not giving in!"
But eventually, as everyone knew he would, it happened anyway. It only took certain things to convince him.
"No gravity room, no food, and no SEX!"
That was enough to convince even the stubbornest of saiyan warriors. Bra and Trunks just wished they hadn't of heard the last word. It spawned very disturbing mental images.
"Aren't you going to stop this?" Ukyou whispered during the heated argument. She, Akane, Shampoo, Bra, and Trunks crouched low on the staircase off the living room where the fight was taking place.
The two Breifs children just shook their head. "Nope," The eldest answered. "They do this all the time."
"If they didn't," Bra added. "*Then* you have reason to worry."
But Shampoo ignored the whispered conversation of them all and marched right down into the middle of it. "Excuse me Bulma-san and Vegeta-san." Her quiet voice penetrated Bulma's frustration and Vegeta's anger.
"Yes Shampoo?" The blue-haired woman sighed.
"When Shampoo great-grandma come, Shampoo will leave. Great-grandma have place all ready. It in message *Shampoo* receive."
Shocked into silence, the two turned to her. "You got a telegram?" Vegeta questioned. The girl nodded.
"You're leaving here when your grandmother comes?" Bulma asked. She nodded again.
"Then why didn't you say so?!" The both asked in unison.
"You not ask," she said simply as they both facevaulted.
The news reached Pan's house as fast as it could. It left Ranma Saotome dancing around her house in just his boxer shorts.
"Shampoo is leaving! Shampoo is leaving!"
Pan grabbed his pig-tail, stopping all further movement. "Stop it! You're knocking things off the walls. Besides," she added as an afterthought, "she didn't say she was moving. I think that her obaasan has a place here in town." This completely destroyed the his mood.
"Yes really. They'll probably live here in Satan City."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He moaned as he clutched at Pan. "Tell me it's not true! Tell me!"
She pushed him away and shook her head. "Sorry, no can do." Then she looked at her watch. "I've got a sparring appointment and Goten just went home a little while ago. But I have to speak to my ojiisan anyway."
Then Gohan rushed into the room, hastily straightening his clothes. "Gotta go. I'm late!"
"Tousan, it's Sunday," she said confused.
"I know. Since I took yesterday off, I have to make it up today." He kissed her on the cheek briefly. "Your mother has the day off today so she'll be here."
The loud sound of a cast-iron skillet hitting something equally hard made them all flinch slightly. Genma then began to wail in pain.
"Pop must have did something bad," Ranma commented absently.
"Hai," Gohan paused in his search for his car keys, "She wants your father to get a job." He began to look again as Pan calmly clapped her hands. A beeping noise emitted from behind a couch cushion. "There they are!"
"And this is why we got the Key-Finder. He always looses them." Pan whispered to Ranma. With one last hurried goodbye to his wife, Son Gohan ran out of the house. "Do you want to go along? After you put on some clothes of course."
"Sure. There's nothing happening here and I don't want the other three finding me today." He ran upstairs to get some clothing as Pan announced to her mother that they were leaving.
Genma stuck his cloth-covered head outside the kitchen. "Please take me with you!" Then his request turned into howl as he was dragged back by Videl.
"You are going down to that unemployment office and get a good job!"
Pan laughed even as she called to the unfortunate man. "Gomen nasai Saotome-san! She's picked up habits from my obaasan."
"I heard that young lady!" Came the reply. "Do you want to be next?"
"Iie Kaasan," She then ran to the stairs. "Hurry up you jerk!" And so Pan began to wait on an extremely slow Ranma.
They both landed gently on Goku's front door stoop. Pan stepped over the threshold, took off her shoes, and instantly heard ChiChi screaming one room over.
"Son Goku! Where are your table manners today? You've already influenced poor Goten with your ways!"
Pan crept into the kitchen quietly, so as not to gain the favor of her grandmother's anger. But ChiChi saw her anyway.
"Son Pan!" The girl froze. Then ChiChi set her sights on the boy behind her. "You must be Ranma Saotome," she said in an odd tone.
He nodded. "Hey! How ya doin'?" That earned a hard look from the woman.
"I swear you manners are even worse than my Goku's!"
"Hey ChiChi," Goku said in-between bites, "Leave the poor boy alone."
Pan just shook her head at the weirdness of her family and went down the hallway to get her uncle. "Goten, are you awake at all? You got a full eight hours of sleep!"
The man in question emerged from his bedroom, yawning. "I'm up. I'm up." He scratched his head and slowly shuffled towards the bathroom.
"By the way," she added as an afterthought, "don't you think that twenty-nine is a little old to be still living with your parents?"
He growled faintly and she easily caught the roll of toilet paper he threw at her. "Just a question!"
Walking back towards the front of the house, she sat at the kitchen table. "So Goku-ojiisan," she began softly right before she started to yell. "WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND WHEN YOU MADE THAT DEAL?!"
ChiChi gasped as she covered her mouth in shock. "Pan!"
Goku just calmly set down his fork and spoke. "I told you, he looked as if he was in trouble!"
"He always looks like that," Ranma muttered.
'Did you know that he did the same thing to two other girls?"
"Really?" Goku asked. "Hmm. Which one will Ranma choose..."
ChiChi just gaped. "Goku-sa, you don't care at all? It's like an idiotic competition!"
"If it came down to a spar, Pan would win easily."
"I don't know," Ranma mused. "Ukyou's pretty good and Akane does has superhuman strength after all."
"The one thing that you've got to remember," Goku interrupted, "Is that Pan isn't entirely human like the other two."
"Three," Pan corrected. "There's an Amazon too."
ChiChi sat down hard. "Where did she come in?"
As briefly as possible, Ranma recounted the tale. The look on ChiChi's face grew angrier and angrier until she finally went off. "You are such a ladies man!"
"NANI?!" He shouted.
"I don't want my Pan-chan to be associated with the likes of you! It's bad enough she has eyes for Trunks, but for you as well!"
"Obaasan, please!" Pan cried as she blushed faintly. "This marriage wasn't my idea, remember?"
"But what about Trunks?" Ranma asked slyly.
"What about him?" Goten asked as he approached the table. Each of the participants in the former conversation had all lapsed into silence. "What were you all talking about?"
"Nothing," Pan rose from her chair, "Let's go." She stomped to the front door to get her shoes, Ranma close behind her. Goten followed a little more warily.
"Did one of you make her angry? Her ki is going through the roof!"
Goku began to point enthusiastically at his wife. "It was her. Your mother did it."
"Goku!" She protested at the childish act of tattling.
"Well it's true!" Before she could hit him with the rolling pin that had materialized from thin air, he teleported away. "Ja ne!"
ChiChi growled softly while making her weapon vanish. "That man!"
Goten was halfway out of the kitchen by the time the small conflict was over. "SON GOTEN!"
He turned. "Hai Kaasan?"
She smiled cheerfully. "Be back soon!"
Goten knew then that he would never understand women.
"So, where do you want to go Pan?" Goten asked when they were in the air. It was slightly annoying to need to slow down for Ranma though.
His question was met with silence.
Ranma, being the non-observer that he is, began to interrogate her further. Pan's ki rose higher and higher until she just took off at top speed in the direction of a certain Namek's favorite training spot.
"Geez! What's her problem?"
"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma." Goten shook his head in mock sadness. "There's a lot that you need to learn about girls." He smirked. "That's what I'm here for!"
"No thanks," Ranma said almost politely, "I don't want anything to do with 'em! Besides," It was his turn to look like he was revealing a holy secret, "doesn't Trunks have more girls? That's what I've been hearing anyway." Then he began to laugh even as he flew off.
"I'll get you for that!" Goten said as he chased him. He kept at a slow enough speed so as not to pass him.
They flew over rivers, mountains, and a *huge* grassland until they finally made it to where Pan had landed. They found her meditating serenely next to the larger namek, trying to calm herself. He would never admit it openly, but Piccolo liked Pan almost as much as her father.
Ranma gaped openly as he saw Piccolo and the questions followed soon after. "Who is that?!"
Goten laughed slightly. "That's Piccolo-san. He trained my niichan."
Then one eye opened as Gohan's former sensei let them know he sensed them. "Why are you here?" he asked bluntly.
"Nice guy," Ranma said sarcastically. Goten tried to shut him up but it was no use. "He would probably be a *great* friend."
Pan also opened her eyes just in time to see an extremely annoyed Piccolo walk over to the two boys. "Was there something that you wanted? Or am I going to have to shoo you away like a pest?"
Pan just giggled at the development.
"Well, er, Piccolo-san..." Goten trailed off. "It was all Ranma's fault!"
"Nani?! Don't blame this one on me!"
The green giant snorted. "Pan, take your demented ojisan and your rude friend away. I need to train."
Pan opened her mouth to reply but whatever she had to say was drowned out by the sound of a vehicle motor.
Four heads looked up to the sky and one tried to hide.
"It's, it's the girls!" Ranma moaned as he attempted to find a large rock to hide behind. "How did they find us?"
"Bra and Trunks are with them," Pan mentioned. "That's how."
Ranma didn't quite understand the answer but it didn't matter. Glancing around frantically at the scenery, he tired to find a suitable hiding place.
"Give it up man," Goten said. "It's too late."
The capsule car landed and its passengers exited.
"We almost didn't find you," Trunks said, walking up to them. "Your kis were everywhere!"
"That was the idea," Ranma muttered.
"Ran-chan!" Ukyou squealed as she ran up to him. Hugging him hard she spoke. "I'm not mad anymore and I just want to be your friend."
This earned surprised looks from just about everyone there.
"Really?" The pig-tailed boy asked. "Are you for real?"
"Stop!" Another voice cried. Ranma looked over Ukyou's shoulder.
"Shampoo," he sighed.
"You no touch wo ta aye len!" With that said, out came the bonbori -- two sticks with *very* heavy balls on the ends. Ukyou countered with her spatula and yet another fight began.
"Don't let her get to close Ucchan!" Ranma exclaimed. "She's superhumanly strong. Just like Akane!"
"NANI?!" The girl in the yellow gi cried. "You jerk!" She brought up her fist and punched him in the arm.
Piccolo, in the mean time, had settled back to watch. "Interesting. I was about bored enough to challenge Vegeta to a fight."
Pan shot him a weird look that was pointedly ignored. Shrugging, she started to cheer for a new friend. "Go Ucchan! Kick her ass!"
"Yeah!" Akane added. "She likes Ranma. That makes her an enemy!" Three people, all for Ukyou. Bra and Trunks were going to stay neutral, only watching to gauge fighting styles.
Shampoo jumped high into the air, hoping to strike from above. But the brown-haired girl had anticipated this because she nimbly dodged aside, letting the Amazon hit the ground instead. Spinning quickly on one heel, she brought up the spatula high to gain momentum.
"That's a disadvantage," Pan said to herself, "She has to get enough room to swing the thing." Making a decision she started to shout. "Ukyou! Use the mini ones!"
"That's not going to do it," Ranma protested. "She needs room to throw them. Ucchan! Use your fists!"
"I can't!" Reaching into her gi, she pulled out several small objects. "Flour bomb!" A thick haze of flour rose up from it's confinement and sent Shampoo into a coughing fit. During this Ukyou took off in the other direction to give herself more room. As the air cleared, she readied some of her mini throwing spatulas.
"Bring it on."
Completely focused on her opponent, she never noticed the crowd of yellow ducks descending. Or the cackling of an old woman, or Shampoo's joy. No, she was focused completely on her goal.
Never witnessing the rather unusual arrival of Shampoo's great-grandmother Cologne.
"Great-grandmother!" The girl cried. "You finally come!"
"Yes, child." She took the large walking stick that she always carried and hopped out on it. Noting the large amount of people, she started to introduce herself. "I am Cologne, Shampoo's great-grandmother." She stopped to look at Ranma more closely. "I sense something different about you, boy."
"This is Shampoo future husband!" Shampoo said excitedly. "Meet Ranma Saotome."
"I am *no one's* future husband!" He shouted uselessly. He was ignored.
"You can have him," Pan offered. "Please, take him!"
"Hai!" Akane agreed. "I don't want him either."
"Ran-chan's mine!" Ukyou released a barrage of spatulas in their direction, aiming for Shampoo. In her anger, her aim was a little off though and the weapons went everywhere.
Ducking, Pan and Ranma got out of the way. "Hey!" she yelled. "Watch those things! Do something you idiot!"
Ranma moved in closer and let a complement fly. "Ucchan! I think you're cute when you smile!" That did it.
"Really?" She got little hearts in her eyes. "I love you too!"
"What? I didn't say nothin' like that!" He tried to run from the love crazed teenager. "Help somebody!"
"Are they always like this?" Piccolo asked a nearby person. It just happened to be Goten.
By the end of the day, everyone was back to their semi-normal state. Cologne and Shampoo had moved into the building that the former had bought before she came. They named it the Neko Hanten and coincidentally -- or not as the case may be -- it was located across the street from Pan's house.
"They planned that out this way," Ranma moped while tending to the wounds an angry Akane and Pan had inflicted on him. "I know it!"
Ukyou opened a restaurant called Ucchan's also near the Son home. It was about half-way between the Capsule Corporation and the place where Ranma was staying. It also wasn't too far from the school. Akane was the only one still staying with Bulma because her family was too far away to go back to so soon.
"I came here to make Ranma pay," she had said, "and pay he shall. I just have to come up with a good way. That's all."
The evening at the Son house was quieter than normal. As Genma, Videl, and Gohan sipped tea the latter even mentioned how quiet it was.
"RANMA YOU PERVERT!!"
"You spoke too soon Gohan-sa," Videl observed.
"I SAID I WAS SORRY!"
"DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO KNOCK?!" There was a loud crash as some unfortunate object was hurled at Ranma's head. The poor boy ran down the stairs with an enraged Pan hot on his heels. She was clad in only a fuzzy blue bathrobe and matching slippers. Just as she was about to throw a ki blast, her father caught her hand.
"Let me go! I need to kill a pervert!"
"You can fight him," Gohan said soothingly, "but not in the house."
"I can't go outside in a robe!"
"Then let it go until tomorrow."
She nodded and calmed down slightly. "Tomorrow you die Ranma Saotome!"
 = Also known as the Cat Café
Even longer note (better known as my reason for taking so long): It all started Monday of this week. I was going to post chapter 5 but fanfiction.net had problems both that day and the next. Then came Saturday. I had begun to type the next chapter by then and I had also decided that I would post 5 when I finished 6. My computer *completely* crashed Saturday morning so I had to use the restore disk. It took until early Sunday morning, 10 and a half hours later, to get it to work right.