Disclaimer: You know this already. Why bore you?
Hey minna! You probably thought you'd never seen another one of these, huh? Well it's back and even longer than before!
A Day in the Life of Vegeta (my five second
version) takes place *before* Trunks was born.
A Week in the Life of Vegeta (my two hour version) takes place *after* Trunks was born.
This one (the four day version ^_^) takes place *after* Bra's birth (she's four so that means Trunks is sixteen).
Warnings: Some spoilers for movies and such and some cursing. I think that's about it.
A Month in the Life of Vegeta
Bulma told me that I should create a journal so that my thoughts would be in order. What's the purpose of that? If something requires a lot of thought, it isn't worth pondering about in the first place. Doesn't she understand that?
"Onna, I don't want to write in a stupid journal!" I informed her over breakfast that very morning. She didn't answer, focusing instead of passing the bacon to Bra. While Trunks wasn't looking, I speared his pancake and slid it onto my plate. He's too stupid to notice that anyway.
Bra did and she smiled at me from across the table.
"What's so hard about writing something down, Vegeta?" the onna asked.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not hard at all. But I'm a warrior, onna. Not a damn author!"
She frowned. "Watch your language around Bra-chan. You've already ruined Trunks' mind, don't do the same to her."
"Aw, Kaasan!" Trunks complained as he attempted to steal from my plate. I stabbed him with my fork leaving neat little puncture wounds. If that doesn't teach him better, I don't know what will.
He howled like a big baby and clutched his wittle boo-boo.
"KAASAN! Papa stabbed me!"
That *really* got the onna mad.
"VEGETA! How could you injure your own son?! You are *such* an asshole!"
"Ah, ah, ah," I smirked while waving my index finger. "Watch your language around Bra-chan!"
She threw up her hands in frustration and stomped from the table and out the door to her lab. "ARGH!"
Bra looked at me solemnly and shook her head. "Kaasan is sure pissed."
I agreed with her. "Hai."
By mid-afternoon I was seriously thinking about writing my thoughts down. For some odd reason, there were a lot of problems today. First off, Bulma left me alone with the two brats and Trunks got into a fight at school. Naturally the headmaster wanted a parent-teacher conference so I had to go up there and take Bra with me. Ningen scare too easily at the sight of a little bloodshed.
"Vegeta-san," the woman said in a voice that was used to calming angry parents down, "I'm sure that your son won't turn into a delinquent. Behavioral problems are easily corrected..."
I cut her off right there.
"Look, I don't think you understand the situation. I think it's great that the boy got in some training here at this stupid school, no matter that it was against some weak and pitiful ningen. I'm just angry that the other brat wasn't hurt more." I glared at Trunks. "You've been slacking off boy."
"Gomen nasai, Papa."
"Excuse me?" The headmaster said in this shocked tone of voice. That was another thing wrong with ningen, every little thing had them surprised. "You actually condone fighting?"
I didn't have to even answer, Bra did it for me.
"Yep! Papa will excuse lots of stuff!"
All three of us stared at her. I was the first one to speak. "Bra, where did you learn what condone meant?"
She stared at me as if I was stupid. "From the dictionary."
I blinked. "You can read?"
Trunks crossed his arms. "You ignore us most of the time, remember Papa?"
"Vegeta-san! That is no way to speak to your son!"
I began to gather energy into my palm. "Onna, if you don't stop criticizing the way I raise my brats I'll--"
"Iie, Papa!" Bra shouted. "Kaasan would *really* kill you this time!"
I reluctantly reabsorbed my energy and sighed. "You're right."
The headmaster was floored. "Well! I must meet Briefs-san if she can control *you*."
That did it. "ONNA YOU'RE GONNA DIE!" Before either one of them could stop me, I reduced that onna to a pile of smoldering ashes. Both brats groaned.
"One day they're going to wonder what keeps happening to my headmasters," Trunks commented.
Bra shook her head and frowned. "I'm pretty sure they already know."
Seeing as that was incident number one of the crappiest day of my life (besides the day that Furiza killed me, of course), by the end of the day I really was tempted to create a journal to relieve my stress. It took an outing to the movies to convinced me.
"PAPA!" Bra came into the living room where I was sitting on the couch watching wrestling and laughing at the obviously fake performances.
"What do you want?"
"Can we go to the movies? I wanna see The Last Little Pony!"
The answer was pretty simple. "Iie."
"Please?" She crawled into my lap. "Pretty please with sugar on top? I'm your princess, remember?"
I sighed and turned the TV. off. She did have a point... "Alright. Just don't tell anyone about that last part, okay?"
She nodded with a gleam in her eye. I had a feeling she now had blackmail material against me.
Trunks was talking with Kakarotto's youngest brat by the front door. He stopped us on our way out.
"Papa, where are you going?"
"To the movie theater."
His face lit up. "Do you mind if we come with you?"
"Sure!" I said with more than a little sarcasm. "Why not?"
"Sugoi!" They both said in unison. It's scary how they think alike sometimes.
"Vegeta-ojisan," Goten said. I hate when he calls me that but he just won't stop. If I kill him, then Kakarotto will probably kill *me*. "What are you going to see?"
I didn't answer. Instead I looked out into the blue sky, trying to pretend that I didn't hear him. Unfortunately, Bra spoke up.
"The Last Little Pony!"
The two brats looked at each other and burst into hysterical laughter. One glare shut them up.
"It's what she wants to see."
"But Papa, I can't see *you* watching pink ponies make friends and spread joy and love throughout the world."
Is that what that movie was about? Just hearing about it made me ill. Sitting there surrounded by little kids and watching that crap would physically make me sick.
"That's it," I shook my head. "We are *not* going to see that movie!"
"But-" Her face began to transform into the sad one.
"Wait! You can see a movie, but not that one. How about The Sixth Sense?"
She shrugged. "I guess so..."
"Papa! You can't take her to that kind of movie!"
"Why not? She's intelligent enough to tell reality from fantasy."
"Okay but if Kaasan asks, it's all your fault."
Trunks and Goten took off to see some stupid comedy and I took Bra to see The Sixth Sense. I have no idea what they were so worried about. That movie is tame compared to some of the stuff I've seen. There was this one time on Vegeta-sei during a tournament when I was five and I saw one Saiya-jin reach into another ones chest and rip out his heart. It didn't effect me one bit.
As we were walking back to the Capsule Corp. (I still can't call it 'home'.), I saw her look behind her constantly as if she sensed someone following her.
"What are you doing?"
She stared at me with wide eyes. "I swear Papa that the dead people are walkin' and they don't know they're dead!"
I blinked and shook my head. Oh shit.
When we returned, Bulma was already back from wherever she had gone. "So, where did you two go?"
I did my ignoring act again and tried to maneuver Bra out of the entry hall. Bulma frowned and caught my arm.
"Where did you two go, Vegeta?" She stressed each word.
"The movies, onna. Is something wrong with that?"
"No... Well, what did you see?"
"What is this? Twenty Questions?"
Her frown became deeper. "Are you developing a sense of humor or are you avoiding the question?"
"He's avoiding the question!" Bra chirped.
I frowned at her. "That it! No more books for you!"
"Vegeta!" Bulma stepped forward so that she was mere inches from my face. And then she put her index finger even closer. "What damn movie did you see?"
I stood my ground but I wanted to step back. She may not be physically imposing but Bulma was still a formidable foe. Intelligence wise anyway.
"Bra wanted to see The Last Little Pony." I stopped there. She wasn't going to get anything else from me.
"But *you* didn't." She stepped forward once more and I didn't have to take a step back. Her finger poked me in the nose and her nails are sharper than they look.
I shrugged noncommittally. She wouldn't get this from me *ever*.
She growled and glared even harder. I don't know what did it, but I suddenly found myself talking. My mouth was moving and my brain couldn't shut it up.
"I refused to take her to that movie and we ended up seeing The Sixth Sense. Now she thinks she sees dead people." The came out all in a rush. Finally I stopped the stream of words, but it was too late.
"You-you WHAT?!" I jumped back quickly and even got into a defensive stance. Her shrieking actually startled me. I didn't know she could even hit that note.
When uncertain I make myself feel better by getting angry. Or acting superior. "You heard me onna! I took her to see The Sixth Sense! Now, what are you going to do about it?"
The next thing I knew I was outside, not even knowing how I got there exactly.
"Oh. *This* is what you're going to do." I rolled my eyes trying to act a lot more carefree then I felt. "This is *real* unique!" I know, really bad comeback. But you really can't top something like this. Not in a million years.
With no paper or a writing utensil, my thoughts are just going to have to stay in my head for the moment. I don't want to go back to the Capsule Corp. and beg the onna to let me back inside, but becoming "one" with nature is not looking appealing. Staying here on Chikyuu has made me soft. I didn't get a good night's sleep because the ground was too hard, I couldn't kill some dumb animal at first because Bulma wouldn't like it, and I couldn't even enjoy my meal because the food wasn't seasoned!
Being outside sucks.
The island I was on was one that I used to come to before Bulma told me that I could live with her. At the time, it was paradise. But after spending at least twenty years in Furiza's company *anything* would look good.
I had delusions of grandeur, then. I thought that I was the best in the universe since Kakarotto and Furiza were "supposedly" deceased. I thought that I could rule Chikyuu; the replacement for the lost Vegeta-sei.
But, like most of the things I try, it didn't work out. Kakarotto returned as did Furiza and all attention was focused on my rival again.
Sighing, I stared at the sky again. Just being here was making me melancholy. That's it, I'm going back home no matter what Bulma says. I started to take off into the sky and realized what I just thought.
Home. I actually called the Capsule Corp. my home.
Will wonders ever cease.
It seems that I my arrival interrupted a gathering, a party of sorts. When the hell did she have time to plan this, anyway? Probably when I was training.
The midget man, Krillin, was the first to notice me. I bet he was looking out for me anyway. He's never gotten over the fear that I am going to blow up the planet one day. If I do get around to that, I'm taking Bra with me. Her and the TV.
"Uh hi, Vegeta." He was so nervous his whole body was trembling, not just his voice. "Nice day, isn't it?"
I was just going to walk by him until I got an idea. I didn't think it was particularly cruel, just funny. And they say I have no sense of humor.
"What are you doing over here?"
He gulped and spoke. "B-B-Bulma invited me. She didn't tell you?"
I shook my head and smirked. "Iie, she didn't."
"That's too bad."
"What are you doing back?" asked a cold voice from just behind. I didn't have to turn around to tell who it was, but I did anyway.
I countered her question. "What are you doing having a party?" Krillin moved away seeing as our arguments did tend to get a little heated.
"If you don't remember, *my* name is the one on the title deed. It's my house and I can have a party if I want to. I didn't say anything to you because you're the world's best party crasher."
I snorted. "Social gatherings are stupid."
"In your opinion."
An amused look replaced her glare. "I could go and poll people to prove you wrong. Don't make me do that."
"I don't care if you do. Most of your friends are bakas anyway."
She growled and turned away. "You only say that because you *have* no friends! No one wants to befriend you. Besides Son-kun of course and he's either brave, crazy, or stupid for trying to do so."
"I strongly agree with stupid."
"I didn't ask you for your opinion!"
"Can't you two go one day without yelling at each other?" Trunks asked them in annoyance. "You two are the weirdest parents in existence!"
"How would you know, brat?" I asked. "You never had any other parents besides us."
"This could go on forever," Gohan said to Videl. "We'd better go."
As the crowd began to disperse, Bulma got even angrier at me.
"You ruin everything!"
"Look who's talking! The onna who can't even cook rice!"
"Papa, Kaasan, STOP!" Bra shouted.
We both turned to her. "You stay out of this!"
Her eyes widened in shock and, just as quickly as the initial argument began in the first place, she burst into tears. Pushing past her brother, she ran into the house. Bulma and I glared at each other. "Look at what you did now!"
Trunks shook his head in disgust. "Both of you are at fault." Then he disappeared into the house after Bra.
I crept silently to stand just outside the door to Bra's room. Inside, I could hear her and Trunks talking. It seemed that she just did not understand.
"Why do Papa and Kaasan fight so much, Niichan? Can't they just act like all of my friends' parents instead?"
"It's not that simple. I think the reason they fight is because they're too much alike to get along all the time."
"But," she was puzzled, "they never get along."
He sighed. "You're right. They don't."
It was interesting to hear what they thought of us. But it annoyed me somewhat to discover that Trunks' thought Bulma and I were alike. I'm nothing like that onna at all!
Bulma and I argue because it's entertaining. Well, at least it is for me. I never really get angry most of the time and I find the smallest things to bug her about. But she might not see it that way. Maybe I'm actually irritating her.
"What are you doing?" came a whisper from behind. I jumped slightly and tensed. I was so preoccupied in their conversation, that I didn't sense her coming. That would be bad in a battle.
"I'm listening to the brats talk about us."
"So you're eavesdropping?"
I shrugged. "If you want to call it that."
"Do you think Kaasan starts a lot of the arguments?" Bra asked. Bulma's eyes narrowed and she pushed me aside.
"I thought eavesdropping was wrong," I mocked her.
"I'm willing to overlook this," She held out her hand. "How about you?"
I shook it briefly. "Sure."
"Maybe," Trunks answered after a short silence. "But Papa brings up a lot of stupid things, too."
As they talked, we began to inch closer and closer to the cracked door. As I leaned forward to see over the crouched onna, I sort of lost my balance, knocked her into the door, and both of us fell into Bra's room. The look on their faces was priceless.
"Are you spying on us?!" Trunks asked.
Bulma grinned sheepishly even as she tried to push me off of her. I stood and picked her up easily.
"No we weren't. At least *I* wasn't. I came down the hall and you two were talking, I just stopped to listen that's all."
"What about you Kaasan?"
"I, um, okay! I was spying!" She sighed. "I just didn't know that you felt that way about me."
"It would be nice if you got along more," Bra said. "But I'll just have to settle with this."
"Let me ask this again," I said to her. "Where do you get all of this stuff from? You don't *act* four years old."
"Think, Papa," She grinned. "If you were me living with parents like you two, do you think you would act normal for your age?"
I smiled. Well, it was so small I guess you could call it that. "No, I wouldn't."
Bulma got this strange idea into her head that we needed a 'family outing'. Now since I've only been apart of a 'family' for just under two decades, I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Vegeta, we need to start acting like a normal family," she said to me as she finished messing with her make-up in the mirror over her dressing table. Oh yeah, we were going out to a restaurant. A very expensive restaurant. Hey, it was her small fortune.
"Why do you think that, onna?"
She didn't even turn around, instead choosing to glare briefly at me through the mirror. "That's another thing that has to quit. Can't you call me by my name?"
"Whatever for? You are a onna, aren't you? Or have I been sleeping with something else?"
"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. Here, on Chikyuu, it's extremely insulting to be referred to as "onna". What do you think names are for?"
"Okay, I get it *Bulma*." She smiled. "Why do I have to get dressed up again?"
"It's fancy and only proper dress is required. Dresses for ladies and suits for men."
"You can eat without the fancy attire. Besides," I fiddled with the tie, "this thing is choking me."
"You, the Saiya-jin muscle man, is being defeated by a strip of fabric?" Both her face and her voice were amused.
"Ha, ha. I see your clothing isn't as restrictive as mine." I looked over her simple, although *short*, black dress. "Though if there was more to it, I'm sure it would be just as annoying as my clothing."
"You just don't like other men looking at my legs."
"*I* don't like looking at your legs." She flipped me off and stuck her head out the bedroom door.
"Are you two ready? Our reservations are at seven you know!"
I made it to the door just in time to see Bra exit her room. Actually, what I saw was a lot of pink lace and ruffles, but I'm sure she was in there somewhere.
"Kaasan," she had a whine in her voice, "do I have to wear this?"
"Why? What's wrong with it? I think you look cute!"
Cute was definitely *not* the word. She looked like.... I couldn't even begin to describe what she looked like.
"I look like a big wad of cotton candy." Yes, that was a good description.
"Onna, er Bulma, how can she even sit down in that thing? Bra, go put on something that *you* like."
Her race flooded with relief. "Arigatou, Papa!"
"She's going to turn out liking you more than me, you know that don't you?"
I shrugged. The thought had crossed my mind more than once.
"Why? Do you want that?"
"The boy likes you more." It was true, he always talked to her first before he said anything to me. Not that I was complaining, of course.
"Look at what you call him! It's either boy or brat. And you train him so hard, he aches for days."
"He's half Saiya-jin. He should be able to take a little pain."
"But he didn't grow up on Vegeta-sei, baka! I know you had a terrible childhood, but don't take it out on your own children!" This was new, she never brought this up before.
"How do you know it was terrible?"
"How can it not be? You had no love or warmth in your life. Wait a minute, you really don't know what you've missed do you?"
I puzzled frown made its way across my face. She was right after all, I didn't know what love was. In fact, I still don't. That, for some reason, stuck in my mind and irked me for the rest of the night.
The food was alright, different from what I was used it. By "different" I meant that it was edible. But Bulma just wasn't satisfied with our table manners.
"Trunks, your napkin is there for a reason. You're sixteen for Kamis sake! Vegeta," she stared long and hard at me, "you're doing a nice job! Keep it up."
I blinked in shock. "That's it? No shouting or public humiliation?"
She shrugged, "Why? You *are* doing a nice job."
By the time dessert came, the brats were bored. Then Trunks talked Bra into playing this game.
"When you see this anywhere below my waist," he demonstrated by forming his thumb and index finger into a circle, "then I get to hit you."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because it's called The Circle Game."
"If I get you to look at my hand, I get to hit you?" He nodded.
"Hey boy," I elbowed him. "Can I play?"
"Huh?" Was the only thing that came out of his mouth. Then he blinked. "Um, sure you can Papa. You heard the rules?"
I nodded. "It's easy."
I dropped a fork onto the floor and when he bent to pick it up, the first thing he saw was my hand. He groaned and clenched his teeth in preparation. I smirked. This should be good.
Bulma looked up from writing a check to pay for our meal and saw me punch Trunks in his shoulder. I bet she heard the muffled cry of pain.
"What the hell are you two doing?"
I looked at her with only a little bit of guilt. "We're playing The Circle Game."
"I should have told you not to try and dislocate my shoulder," Trunks muttered.
"This is supposed to be a game? You tried to hurt him!"
"It's the point of the game! Right boy?" I glared at him. He cringed and nodded.
She sighed. "I knew this was a mistake. I was so happy you two decided to act civilized for once and look what happened."
"Punish them, Kaasan," Bra told her.
Bra is a tattle tale. She must have gotten that from the onna's genes.
"Wait a minute. You were an active participant."
Her mouth dropped open in shock. "What do you mean?"
"You were playing too!" She stood and picked up her purse. "When we get back home, you three get a lecture on the proper behavior in public."
We groaned. Her lectures could take hours unless...
"Now do you really want to do that?" I smiled sweetly at her. Well, as sweet as *I* could manage anyway. "We could do something else. There's a brand new can of whip cream in the fridge..." I trailed off even as Trunks and Bra made disgusted faces.
"We did *not* need to hear that," Trunks said to his sister.
She nodded. "I'm already trying to forget."
Bulma began to smile then she shook her head. "Don't try to get me off the subject!" She marched from the restaurant with Bra trailing after.
"Well Papa, it was a nice try." Trunks patted me on the back.
As soon as I glared at him he removed it. "You're going to get it tomorrow when we train, boy. That stupid game was your idea."
True to her word, Bulma did lecture us last night. It took her almost an hour to rant about the purpose of table manners. Sometimes, I didn't even know where she was getting the stuff from.
I awoke to the cheery rays of Mr. Sun. I swear, if this planet did not need it has a heat source, I would blow it to bits.
Rolling over and grunting, I threw an arm over my eyes and tried to go back to sleep.
"Ohayo, Vegeta!" Bulma sang. Why was she in a good mood? Couldn't she see that I wasn't?
I muttered something, don't ask me what, and tried my best to ignore her. That was when she decided to steal my blanket.
"You know, it's not in you to be lazy." She took the pillow too. "Get up and go train or something."
"Wait a minute," I rubbed my eyes. "You're always telling me *not* to train. Why is today different?" Then it hit me. "You're planning something, aren't you? Something that you don't want me around for."
Laughing nervously, she took a step backwards. "No... Why would you say that?"
"I can tell when you lie. The bond, remember?"
"Alright!" Not knowing whether or not I was even telling the truth. Actually, in this case I was. "I was planning on getting some people in here to redecorate the room. It's boring me."
"Redecorate it how? It's my room too, I should get a say in what goes on the walls and on the floor."
She walked over to the dresser and reached into a drawer. "It's called 'Strawberries n Cream'." She handed me the catalog.
I looked hard at it and almost gagged. Then I turned the catalog to one side and looked at it, trying to see it from a different angle. It still looked the same, unfortunately. Bad.
"Why can't it be blue? Or maybe black?"
"Are you insane?" Her eyes widened. I kept quiet, but inwardly I was saying, 'Iie, but you are.' "I don't want *my* room to be all dark and gloomy!"
"*Your* room? It's always *your* room! I sleep here too!" I pointed to the bed. "I keep clothes here!" I marched across the room and threw open the closet. "I have sex here!"
"Now wait a minute!"
"Okay, *we* have sex here. But you see my point!"
"Unfortunately, yes. We'll compromise then. You get the floor and the walls while I'll get the bed and the decorations."
I shook my head. "No deal."
"Why not?" She was clearly frustrated.
"Because the decorations are the best part! I don't want to sleep on frilly pink sheets! Kami knows I've seen what kind of clothes you pick out!" I thought of Bra's pink monstrosity.
"Fine! I'll take the floors and the walls."
The onna looked like she wanted to strangle me. "What is it *this* time?"
"I don't want to walk on pink carpet or look at pink walls."
I held up my hand to ward of the inevitable blow. "How about we just find one we both like?" I held out my hand to her. "No pink."
She grasped it. "And no black."
We did eventually decide on carpet, wallpaper, and matching accessories for *our* bedroom. It was called Royal Purple and seemed fitting for a prince. Everything was dark purple and gold; the wallpaper striped with it, the floor was purple, and the comforter on the bed was both colors in diamonds. Bulma said that the decorator would be by around three and that I was to show him what we wanted. It's like she was seeing if I was going to screw up or not.
"I have to stop, Kakarotto," I said and powered down. "The onna wants me to wait for someone today."
"Who?" he asked. "The cable guy?"
"Baka, we have satellite. You've been over and watched TV. before."
He shrugged. "That was the only time ChiChi has ever told me to wait for someone. Who's coming by?"
"The interior decorator." I was met with a blank look. "It's a person that helps you pick our carpet, wallpaper, and decorations for a room."
"Ooh!" He was like a small child, very eager. "What did you pick out? Can I see?" He followed me inside the house and I showed him the picture in the book. He nodded once. "It's nice..."
"But..." I felt one was coming.
"But it really doesn't look like something Bulma would choose."
"We compromised. She wanted this." I showed him the disgusting pink, red, and white room.
"This is great!" Of course he likes it. "But it makes me hungry just lookin' at it. What's it called?"
"Strawberries n Cream."
A stupid smile appeared on his face and I left him alone with his food induced bliss. I swear, you could even say that he was addicted to the stuff.
I, on the other hand, only ate food because it was a way to sustain my body. Not because it was good. No matter what people thought otherwise.
"Hey, Vegeta!" Kakarotto called from the kitchen. He's drawn to that room. "There some of those little hotdogs in here that you like."
I blushed slightly. "They're called Pigs in a Blanket, baka."
"Whatever. I was just askin' before I ate 'em."
Okay, maybe there are *some* foods that I liked. Is that a crime?
"How kind of you to do so." This came out as sarcastic as it was meant to. Of course this went right over his head. I honestly don't know why I keep trying.
The decorators came and went, bringing with them large books of carpet samples and measurement devices. I still didn't understand *why* they needed an exact shade of purple.
"You must be joking!" One thin man said to me. He had a neatly trimmed goatee and moustache. "There are more than one shade of purple you know!"
"No," I mocked his snobby tone of voice, "I did *not* know. Nor did I care to know." He shoved a book at me and pointed at each and every single shade of the damn color purple. All ten pages of them.
"There's plum and violet and lilac and amethyst and lavender..."
"Didn't I just say that I didn't care? How often do you clean your ears out, ningen?" I shoved his book right back at him and was tempted to shove it someplace else. "You pick, okay? I'm getting a headache."
I had begun to leave the room until he hit me with *that* word. "Did you just call me common?"
He looked at me with distaste. "Of course. You have none of the fine upbringing that Ms. Briefs has."
"I am a royal prince, you baka, and don't you ever forget it!" I shouted this at him, making him take a step backward.
"Prince of what?" he said, trying to appear brave. He must thought he was going to survive this encounter. "The peasants?"
That's it. "I hope you've made peace with your god because you're going to be taking a one-way trip to see him!"
"Vegeta!" Oh Kami, not that voice! Please don't let that voice belong to that onna! I slowly turned around, my ki dissipating.
"Oh hello Bulma," I said mildly. "What are you doing back so soon?"
She didn't say a word for quite some time, instead choosing to glare at me. But it wasn't one of her usual 'death glares'. It was sort of normal.
"I came home and look what I find! I *knew* something like this was going to happen!"
"Then why did you put me in charge?"
"Because even though I knew it was going to happen, I was hoping that it somehow didn't. You're too predictable." She walked past me and touched the shoulder of that stupid decorator guy. "Are you okay, sir? He didn't hurt you did he?"
"No, Ms. Briefs. You got here just in time. Just, how can you live with someone like that?"
She blinked. "Excuse me?"
"He's a monster!"
Before I could even say a word, she had grabbed his shirt in her fist and pulled him closer. "Now you listen here. You may not approve of my Vegeta's methods. Hell, *I* don't even approve of his methods."
This was supposed to be *helping* the situation? I think not.
"But no matter what you think, you have no right insulting him. If that's what you did before, you're lucky I was here to stop him. You won't be so lucky next time." She released him with a shove. "He may be a monster, but he's *my* monster. You got that?"
He was trembling like a leaf and I was eating it up. "Y-yes ma'am."
"Good. Now leave before I tell Vegeta he has my permission to kill you." I have never seen a ningen run that fast.
I walked up to Bulma and gathered her into a hug that I was sure surprised her. "Good job, onna! I couldn't have done better myself."
She relaxed for only a few moments before she pushed me away. "Don't think you're off the hook. I was serious when I said that I didn't approve of your methods. Can't you solve your problems some other way?"
I didn't like where this was going so I tried the only thing that I knew would distract her. "This can wait until later."
"You're sure about that?" She closed her eyes briefly when I licked her nose. "Don't get me off this subject!"
"But Bulma, you already are." And there were no more words. At least, not for a while.
Trunks decided to be nice to his sister for once and teach her how to ride a bicycle. She said that she had read all about it in the encyclopedia, but both Bulma and Trunks said that you could only truly learn by experience. They also both said it was like driving a car.
Bra sat on her bike, safety gear in place (Bulma insisted), and no training wheels. I guess she was trying to prove that she could do it. Trunks behind her -- one hand on the bike -- was telling her what to do.
"I know, Niichan! I pedal. It's not so hard."
"On this bike when you pedal backwards, it brakes you. Don't do that, okay? Kaasan can get you a ten-speed or something later. With those you can pedal backwards all you want."
"Sure," she grunted impatiently.
"I'm going to let you go when I think that you have the hang of it."
She nodded and leaned forward just a bit.
"Boy, will you just begin? You're taking forever with this!"
Finally, Trunks pushed her forward, running behind her. After about ten seconds, the boy let her go. Unfortunately, Bra doesn't know a thing about balance. She fell around two seconds later.
"I pedaled and I was ready!" She frowned. "Why didn't it work?"
Trunks looked sheepish. "I forgot to teach you how to balance."
"Oh great Trunks!" She rolled her eyes. "You are a wonderful sensei!"
I was a little tired of all of this. Picking up Bra's bike from the ground, I placed her on it.
"Look, this is how we do this. I push you, you remember to pedal and don't lean to the side. You are going to ride this thing today."
She nodded, pleased. "I trust you more than him, Papa."
She trusted me? That was the first time I've ever heard that from someone. You scare me, yes. But never about trust. Because she told me that, I gave her a little more time than I was going to.
And, lo and behold, it worked.
"Since you know how now, you can take off that stupid looking safety gear. Go and ride with your brother and have fun."
"Fun?" Trunks grinned. "I didn't even think that word was in your vocabulary!"
"If you don't shut up now, the words "death by butter knife" are going to be the main ones of yours."
He smiled weakly. "Uh, right Papa."
As he got his bike from the ground and rode off with his sister, I heard the onna come up behind me.
"I heard you threaten Trunks," she sighed. "I know that you aren't going to do a thing to him."
"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. "Who told you that?"
She smiled. "If I tell you that, then I'll have to kill you."
"Now who's the one threatening people?" She laughed and we began to walk towards the house. "How long do you think they'll be?"
She shrugged. "Oh I don't know. But it may be long enough for what you have in mind..."
I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. That really seemed to irritate her.
"Why can't you do anything the normal way? You can't even carry me correctly!"
And, miraculously, she did.
I sat at the breakfast table and could barely keep my eyes open. Bulma bought these new tapes yesterday and they're supposed to be about girl power or something. The thing is that she wanted to be able to hear them when she was asleep so she turned the volume up on the tape player almost to maximum. I had to listen to "You are a strong, confident woman and men should bow at your feet." all night long. It was so irritating.
"Papa!" Trunks exclaimed as he caught my head from falling face first into my now soggy corn flakes. "What's wrong?"
"Your Kaasan and her stupid tapes!" I yawned hugely. "I hate that tape!"
Bulma then came into the kitchen and tapped me on the shoulder. "Remember your promise."
I blinked in confusion. "Huh?"
She snorted with a laugh. "You are so absentminded. You promised Bra that you would go ice skating with her at the rink. Don't you remember? She asked at around eight o'clock last night."
I though long and hard and then it came to me. "You bitch!"
Both brats gasped and Bra spoke. "Papa! She's gonna kill you!" But Bulma only laughed.
"You knew that I always watch my fake wrestling shows at eight o'clock. You *knew* that I would be so focused on the television that I wouldn't remember anything the next day." Actually I *did* sort of remember Bra asking something but the details were a little fuzzy. "You *knew* that I wouldn't be able to say no later on because she would make that face." On cue, Bra's face fell. "See! There it is!"
Bulma waved her hand. "Is it wrong to prey on your moment of weakness?" I opened my mouth. "Don't answer that. Besides, you do it all the time."
"That's different!" I protested.
"Why? Because you do it with the intent to kill?"
I chose not to answer that. A few seconds later she kissed me on the cheek and left to go to work and Trunks left for school.
"I guess it's just you and me, kid." I piled my bowl and glass into the sink and did the same with Bra's.
She nodded. "Yep."
"I'm going to sleep. Don't bother me until later."
She headed off toward the living room. "Sure."
I awoke to the loving kindness of Bra jumping up and down on the bed.
"Papa! It's later!"
I groaned and covered my eyes. "How much later?"
She landed heavily atop my midsection, knocking the breath from me. "Several hours. It's after noon."
Lifting her from me easily, I sat up. "Warn me before you do that next time."
She smiled. "We're still going. Now get dressed!"
I mock saluted. "Yes, ma'am!"
Giggling she said, "You're silly, Papa."
I wonder what she would say if I told her that she was the only one to ever say that.
Twenty minutes later we were ready to go. Bra had on a bright pink leotard with a white see-through skirt thing about her middle. I kept my snickers in check, just barely. "Bulma picked that out."
She rolled her eyes and answered with a sarcastic "How could you tell?"
I, on the other hand, had on spandex. A wonderful thing, that spandex. Probably the only good thing ningen make. Besides television, of course.
We went to the rental place and got some skates. I had a little trouble with the sizes because, frankly, I have no idea that size I wear. After going through seven different pairs, I finally (much to the relief of the man behind the counter) settled on a ten. Bra takes a two.
"Papa," she asked with huge puppy eyes, "are you really going to skate with me?"
I sighed. "Put your face back to normal. I will."
"Great!" She dragged me by the hand. "Let's go!"
There's a really bad problem that I think I should tell her about. I have no idea how to ice skate. As I look at all the little kids, old people, and unemployed adults (At twelve in the afternoon, what else kind of adult would be here?) I don't think it's too hard. It can't be any harder than killing Majin Buu.
I stepped onto the ice and promptly fell on my ass, taking Bra with me. Oh, I guess it is more difficult than I thought. Still, it wasn't too bad.
A group of little kids skated by and laughed at me. I take that back, it *is* bad.
Bra stood easily. "You don't know how to do this, do you?"
I frowned at her from my place on the ice. "What was your first clue?"
"Take it slowly," she coached, taking on the role of my sensei. "Stand and hold onto the rail on the side."
I did as instructed, inwardly amused. She took my left hand with her right spoke.
"Now move forward with your right foot and then move slowly with your left one. Get a good rhythm going, okay?"
We started slowly like this for almost thirty minutes. After that, I felt competent enough to skate slowly. Bra was speed skating around the rink.
Again, that same group of little kids passed me, laughing their heads off.
"That's it!" I roared and took off after them. They screamed and the chase was on.
Boy did that feel good.
Unfortunately when they made a sharp turn to the left, I kept going forward. It seems Bra-chan never taught me how to stop.
I collided with the wall pretty hard but it didn't do anything but stun me a little.
"Papa, are you okay?" Bra asked me as she stopped beside me.
"Yeah, yeah. That puny little wall isn't going hurt me at all." Then a small crack startled up the thing. It spread into a spider web and a huge piece fell away to expose the blue sky outside.
"Uh oh," Bra said. "But you can hurt it."
I looked around quickly and noticed that everyone was staring. Then this little man ran out of an office and started yelling at me. I picked up Bra and left the ice.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked in this loud, shrill voice. "What are you, anyway?"
"I'm a Saiya-jin if that's any of your business," I growled back. "And anyway, if your wall wasn't so cheaply made it wouldn't have fallen in the first place."
"Papa," Bra muttered to me, "you can punch holes in mountains and you're telling him that?"
"Hush, Bra." I ignored that man and got our shoes.
I spent the rest of the afternoon writing this whole incident up in my journal. I will never admit this to Bulma, but writing sort of makes me feel better. After all, it's one thing Kakarotto can't do.
Now it was time to train. I haven't done it in a while. Something always kept happening that prevented me from doing so. Most of the time it was those damn kids.
I started with three-hundred sit-ups with the gravity at seven-hundred. As I was working my way through two-hundred one-handed push-ups, I felt the gravity lower.
"What do you want, onna?" I asked aloud.
Her face appeared on the monitor. "I have something to discuss with you. If you promise that you won't get mad, I'll tell you."
That made me wonder what the hell she was talking about. But since I would never find out if I didn't promise, I agreed.
"Good. I sat down and wondered today about you and Trunks. You two never get along."
I snorted. "Why do you care?"
"Because you're father and son that's why! You should at least talk to each other! Anyway, I said to myself: 'Self, you're a genius. Come up with a good way to get those two on good terms.' And then it happened."
"What happened? Did the men in the little white coats come because you were talking to yourself?"
She scowled. "Iie, baka. That's not what happened at all. I came up with a good idea!"
"Is that all?"
"ARGH! You are impossible! That's it! You don't have a choice in the matter. You're going on a camping trip with Trunks!"
"NANI?!" I shouted at her image. "Oh no I'm not!"
"Hai, you are. And Son-kun and Goten are going with you!" She sat there smugly, with a little smirk on her face.
I was beyond annoyed. I didn't want to go anywhere with Trunks, let alone Kakarotto and his equally stupid brat. Gohan, I sort of respected, but those two?
I turned my back to her and shook my head. "I am not going, onna."
"Really now?" Then she held something up to the screen. In one hand was a pair of scissors. In another was my beloved WWF t-shirt with The Rock on it.
"NO!" I shouted as I placed my hands on the screen. "It took me forever to find that shirt!"
She opened the scissors a bit and placed them around the fabric of my shirt. "Say you'll go." They were drawing ever closer to cut my shirt. My eyes got wider and I finally relented.
"Okay! Okay!" I dropped to my knees dramatically. "Onna! Why do you torture me so?"
"You're silly, do you know that? I swear, you need to be in a play or something."
I gaped. "You're the second person who's said that to me today!"
She placed my shirt onto the table and smiled. "By the way, dinner's almost over. If I were you, I'll go get some before Trunks eats it all."
That does it. She *is* trying to torture me. Trunks always tries to steal my food.
"You make me sick, onna. Do you know that?"
She laughed. "I love you, too."
"Are you all set? I don't want to do this any more than you do." I folded my arms and leaned against the door frame.
"How come I can't come?" Bra asked, pouting. "It sounds fun."
I wondered the same thing. I rather go someplace with her than with the boy.
"It's a man's trip," Trunks told her. "You would just be in the way."
She frowned and kicked him in the leg. It didn't really hurt him, but I appreciated the effort. I hope she asks for training one day.
Kneeling down to her size, I spoke. "Papa will do something with you when we get back."
That shocked Trunks. "You're always nice to that whiny little brat!" She kicked him again. "It's not fair!"
"Life isn't fair, Trunks." Bra stuck out her tongue. "Deal with it."
"Anyway, we can leave when the Baka Duo gets here." As soon as I spoke, Kakarotto and Goten materialized, with large backpacks.
"Can't you use the door like everyone else?"
Bra smiled at Goten and instantly attached herself to him. "Hi Goten-niichan!"
Bra seems to be infatuated with him. I'm hoping to Kami that it's just a phase. The last thing I want are little Gotens running around.
Kakarotto just smiled at me. "It was easier this way. So, are we going to go now?"
I nodded and shouldered my pack. "I don't know where we're going. You have a map or something?"
He pulled something from his pocket. "Sure do." I snatched it from him.
"I don't trust you! Give that here!"
"We're going to have to listen to this the whole weekend." Goten said to the boy. "I wish I could just stay home or something."
"But," Trunks frowned, "I'll have to go by myself with them!" He clutched at Goten. "Please don't make me do that!"
"Calm down. Jeez!"
"Can we stop this stupid conversation and just leave already?" I asked already half-way to the door. Me? Impatient? Nah. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we can come home."
"You guys just don't know how to have fun." This came from Kakarotto. "I think spending time in nature will be great!"
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Kakarotto."
We walked down the path, deeper and deeper into the wilderness. I occasionally swatted at bugs, but, all in all, it was very boring. That was until Kakarotto decided to torture, er *regale*, us with his singing.
"10,230 bottles of beer on the wall, ten-thousand, two-hundred, and thirty bottles of beer! Take one down, and pass it around, 10,229 bottles of beer on the wall!"
"Please," I said in agony while covering my ears. "If there is someone listening up there, you will kill me now."
But he continued. God is up there laughing at me, I just know it.
"10,229 bottles of beer on the wall, 10,229 bottles of beer! Take one down, and pass it around, 10,200...." He trailed off and eventually stopped completely.
I blinked at him. "You're just going to stop there?"
He shrugged then grinned sheepishly. "I forgot what number I was on."
Sometimes, he makes me want to smack him. I looked at him. You see what happens when third-class Saiya-jin are allowed to breed?
"I didn't even know you could count."
"Can we just stop here?" Trunks asked. "My feet are beginning to hurt."
"That's because you don't use them enough. You're always flying everywhere!" I glared at him. "When we get home, you're going running every single day! Ten miles!"
"Aw, Papa. It's summer vacation! I'm supposed to just lie around and be lazy. Since Goten is my best-friend, he's supposed to be lazy with me."
Finally we got to the campsite that was highlighted on the map. It was completely devoid of people besides us and that was the way I liked it. I took the tent from the top of my pack, and began to set it up.
"Trunks," I said to him with great difficulty, "you're sharing a tent with me."
"Why?" he whined. "Goten and I get along better! You can share with Goku-san!"
"OH, *HELL* NO!"
"Why not Veggie?" He asked. I hate it when he calls me that. "You act like I have some kind of contagious disease."
Contagious? Look who's been studying the dictionary... "Unless stupidity is catching these days..."
"Oh?" he said. "Then maybe I don't want to share with you. I may get weaker in my sleep."
That did it. "Stop bringing that up! ONE DAY I WILL BEAT YOU!"
"Anger Management." Goten said calmly.
I stopped shaking my fist in the baka's direction and just looked at him. "Nani?"
"Anger Management classes. That's what Kaasan goes to. It works. She's calmer these days."
"You know Goten? That's a good idea! I'll talk to kaasan about it."
"You will not, boy. I don't need therapy."
"It's not really therapy, Vegeta." Kakarotto said. "By the way, who said that you're crazy?"
I snorted and rolled out my sleeping bag. "Look, I'm going to catch something to eat. I'm starving. If you idiots want to come, that's your decision."
"We'll all go. There should be a lake nearby. I can catch some fish." Kakarotto grinned and ran off down another path. "It'll be fun!"
"Fun is tousan's middle name." Goten shook his head and ran off after his father, Trunks behind him.
I followed more slowly. So sue me if I wasn't as eager to spend time with them.
Night was just falling when we got there and the lake was bathed in gentle moonlight. Ugh, I sound like Shakespeare.
Goten and Trunks were splashing each other in the water, scaring away any fish that happened to be nearby. Kakarotto was in the middle of the lake searching for the biggest fish he could find, occasionally coming up for air. I was on the bank, watching them all.
"Come on Vegeta-ojisan!" Goten shouted to me. "You can have fun sometimes, can't you?"
"Are you kidding?" Trunks laughed. "The only thing he finds fun is killing something."
"That's not true. I heard he always has fun with Bra-chan."
The boy scowled. "That's different. She's his "Little Princess"."
How the hell did he find that out? Just because I like her more doesn't mean that.... Okay, so maybe it does. That still doesn't give him a right to talk about me when I'm right here. Hell, he shouldn't talk about me when I'm not!
I stood and stripped off my clothes and ran to the water. I can prove to him that I can have fun.
You just watch me.
I was tired when I finally stopped eating. There was food left but I'm sure there wouldn't be for long. We had Kakarotto, the Saiya-jin garbage disposal.
"What do you want to do now?" Trunks asked. I think he was still shocked that I swam in the lake.
After I ran to the water, I swam over to the boy and dunked him under. "I'll prove to you who can have fun!" Then I dunked Goten took and took off towards deeper water.
After he came up, sputtering, he and Kakarotto's brat came after me. Then I felt something grab my leg. Before I could even get enough breath to yell, I was being pulled under.
I noticed Kakarotto swim by with a *huge* fish in one hand. He waved and flew out of the water.
"I'll get my revenge!" I shouted at him as he deposited the fish onto the shore. "You won't get away!"
Then he had the nerve to stick out his tongue at me. I flew at him and soon we were wrestling in the water. I had to admit that was the most fun I've had in a while.
"I just want to sleep," I yawned and stumbled off towards my tent. "Good night."
"We're going on a hike tomorrow, so get some rest." Kakarotto said this to the brats and then he followed me.
"What do you want?" I asked as I once again removed my clothes. Climbing into my sleeping bag, I looked at him.
"I just want to say that I'm proud you," he said. "I knew you could loosen up once in a while."
I didn't insult him for once. Actually, I couldnt think of a single thing to say except one word. "Arigatou."
He yawned and turned over. "Goodnight."
Something woke me up. It took me awhile to clear my head but when I finally opened my eyes, I wished that I hadn't. The sight that greeted me wasn't too nice.
Kakarotto's face was inches from my own and he was drooling. His snoring must have been what woke me up.
"What the hell?" I tried to get free but it seemed that he was holding me tight, sort of like a teddy bear.
How sad. I've been reduced to Kakarotto's teddy bear.
"WAKE UP, BAKAYARO!"
He snorted and rolled over, taking me with him. Now I was lying on top of him and that was *not* a nice feeling. I don't know what I would do if someone saw me like this...
Trunks poked his head inside the tent. "Breakfast is ready-" His mouth dropped open. "What are you two doing?"
"What does it look like?" I asked him. It just sort of slid out of my mouth.
He smirked. "You really don't want me to answer that."
I thought about it. "You're right. I don't." I wiggled and squirmed some more, fighting for freedom. The baka muttered something and we both heard him clearly.
"Don't go, ChiChi." And he clutched me even tighter. I wonder if he actually held that psycho woman like this? Probably not 'cause she would be dead by now.
Trunks' smirk got even wider and turned. "Goten! You have to see this!"
And see he did. Goten grinned and snapped his fingers. "Shoot. I don't have a camera."
That was the last straw. "KAKAROTTO! IT'S BREAKFAST TIME!"
He woke up immediately. "Breakfast! Oh boy!" Then he noticed. "Vegeta? Why are you on top of me?"
Before either of the two brats could say a word, I grunted and moved. "This is all your fault. *You* grabbed *me*."
"Oops?" He said.
"Whatever. Just don't *ever* let it happen again."
"How can I? I was asleep."
At least it's only one more night. I'm going home tomorrow, no matter what.
"We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!" The sun was making me sweat as we hiked along and on top of everything, Kakarotto was singing... again.
And the two brats joined him. "We hear he is a wiz of a wiz, oh ever a wiz there was. Oh ever, oh ever a wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is one because. Because, because, because, because, because!"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Because of the wonderful things he does! We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!"
I fell to my knees on the dusty ground. "Kami, take me now!"
Kakarotto nudged me with the toe of his boot. "Stop being melodramatic."
"Who asked you? By the way, I think it's interesting that you've finally found the dictionary."
We had packed up everything and taken it all along with us because we were hiking to another campsite. It didn't make sense to hike and then hike back.
"You're a wet blanket." Trunks told me.
I didn't get it. "What are you talking about? What wet blanket?"
Goten cleared his throat. "A wet blanket is someone who brings everyone else down."
I stood and brushed off my spandex. "Well, thank you Professor Goten!"
He bent over and patted me on the head. "Why thank you, little boy!"
Just because he's taller than me doesn't mean... "You better be glad I'm in a good mood today."
We hiked and hiked, then hiked some more. Kakarotto stopped to smell flowers and gawk at birds along with way. I came close to strangling the two brats because they kept asking stupid questions.
"Look at all the pretty flowers!" Kakarotto exclaimed. I shook my head.
"And this is the man that killed Buu."
He stopped skipping and grinned at me. "Ain't it amazing?"
"Sometimes I question your sanity."
"Vegeta!" He smirked. I felt revenge coming. He only does that when he's about to humiliate me. "What's your ki level now? Is it still smaller than mine?"
"You just *had* to rub that in, didn't you? You are a sadist!" Then I gasped, shocked at myself. I just called Mr. Goody Two-Shoes a sadist! How ironic!
He actually blew a raspberry at me. What is he? Five or Fifty?
"I hate this trip! I hate this planet!" I glared at him. "And I especially hate you!"
"Do you hate Bra-chan? Or Bulma?" He asked me.
I pretended to think about it. "Bra's okay. Bulma, I could take her or leave her."
"You don't really mean that." He said this like he knew!
"Again, who asked you?"
"We're here!" Trunks cheered at he saw the campsite number on the sign. I looked around and almost screamed.
There was nothing, but little kids everywhere. In addition to those little kids, there were lots of tents and RVs. It's like everyone decided to come out today."
"Mommy, look!" One brat tugged on his mother's skirt and pointed at me. "He looks just like my troll doll!"
I felt my eye beginning to twitch. I wouldn't be able to take much more of this.
Kakarotto scratched his head. "I didn't know so many people would be here. Maybe we can find an empty space to pitch the tents."
"You better hope there is or I swear that I'm going home."
Then some incredibly scantily clad women came by in their bikini's headed towards the beach. Trunks and Goten's eyes followed their every move.
"Please, Tousan!" Goten actually got on his knees. "Let's stay here!"
Trunks did the same thing to me. "It's paradise!" Then, before I could even say a word, they dropped their backpacks and took off after them.
I snorted. "Kids."
Kakarotto began to laugh and then his nose began to twitch. "I smell food. I think it's okonomiyaki with noodles on top!"
I blinked. "How can you tell?" Then I realized who I was talking to. He could tell what was exactly in something just by sniffing. Then I shrugged. "I hope they have some with sausage."
I think I just found the best cook in the world. I swear I have! Bulma doesn't even come close to this woman. Her name is Sakura and she's a professional chef in Tokyo. If I ever go there, I'm eating at her restaurant.
Kakarotto sat there on his long, patting his stomach. Then he let out the loudest and longest burp I have ever heard and smiled. "Excuse me."
"That was really good!" Goten said happily. "It's way better than anything one of us would make. We just brought a lot of canned food like soup."
Suddenly some music started up and a lot of people got up to dance. Trunks and Goten each found them a girl and I just sat there and watched, feeling content.
"Sir?" A small voice said to my right. I looked over at her. She was thin and pale and overall homely. Yet she was looking at me with anticipation.
"What do you want?" Maybe that came out just a little too harshly. Nah.
"I just wanted one dance. Would you like to?"
Now I was a little hesitant. It wasn't because of Bulma back home -- because I could care less what she thought -- it was because I can't dance. Not at all. And I was tired of people laughing at me.
"What kind of dancing is it?" I was hoping it was something simple, like the waltz.
"Um, well, I-"
"You don't know how."
I stammered a bit more and then stood, pulling her up with me. "My name is Vegeta. What's yours?"
She smiled. It made her look just a bit less awful. "I'm Yuiko."
"Great. Now, are you going to teach me or something?"
She nodded. "Sure!" Then she pulled me out among everyone else. "Let's go!"
The dance wasn't too bad. At first I was the worst person there, stumbling into everyone and knocking some people down. But after an hour I started to get the hang of it. I actually found myself liking this girl, for a friend of course.
The concept was practically foreign to me.
"You were good, Vegeta! How long are you going to be staying here?"
"This is my last night in this area. Um, I think I should tell you something."
She interrupted me. "Please don't tell me you're gay!" And before I could even answer, she continued. "I mean jeez! Every single cute and nice guy I meet, seems to be that way!"
"Now hold on! It's not that!" She shut up. "I'm mated."
Her face fell. "Oh."
"And I have a son."
She smiled weakly and tried to crack a joke. "Well, it could have been worse. Is your son with you?"
"Hey, Papa!" Trunks sort of materialized right next to me. "I'm tired so I'm going to bed now..." He trailed off, looking back and forth between Yuiko and me. "Who's this?"
"Yuiko, meet Trunks. My son."
"This boy is your son? Wow, you look so young!"
"Yeah, well..." But it turns out she wasn't even listening. She and Trunks sort of stared at each other, completely oblivious to anyone else.
"Of course she would like him," I muttered to my self. "He looks just like a purple-haired me!"
Putting that whole thing behind me, I went off to bed.
Today is the day I finally left that Hell-hole. Actually, it wasn't too bad. The incident with Kakarotto aside, of course. I felt calm and ready to take on the world.
"Papa!" Bra cried as she ran from the house and hugged me around the legs. "There was an accident..."
I was hesitant to ask. "What kind of accident?"
Then the onna came outside holding a scrap of *something*. I took it from her and began trying to figure out what it was.
She was babbling. "I'm so sorry! Please don't be mad! You can get another one!"
What the hell was she talking about? I looked at the rag closely. Unless.. "It can't be!" Using my hand, I scraped some soot away. The Rock's face came into view.
"NOT MY FAVORITE T-SHIRT!"
"It just sort of went up in flames! I'm sorry!" Bulma wailed this in hope that I truly forgave her.
"This is unforgivable!" The showed her just how generous I was feeling.
Bra released me. "Now calm down, Papa. It's not as bad as it looks..."
"Not as bad as it looks? NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS? Half The Rock's body is missing and you're telling me that it's NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS!" I started to rub my temples. "Kami, I feel a migraine coming on."
"Now is the time for Anger Management, Papa." Trunks told me. "There's a clinic open today...."
The way I feel, one more angry situation will probably cause me to have a coronary. And I'm a Saiya-jin! "Fine, fine. Take me to him."
Takamoto-san was the therapist. A *female* therapist. All four of us sat for THIRTY minutes in her stupid waiting room just because she was the only office open today. Everyone in town had to have problems on the same day I had.
"Vegeta-san?" The receptionist called out. "The doctor will see you now."
"Do you want one of us to come with you?" Bulma asked. "It wouldn't be a problem."
"Iie. I'm fine onna, er *Bulma*," I corrected at her glare. "This is something I have to do alone."
Bra waved me away. "Go on. Just stop acting like you're going off to your death."
"Maybe I am."
I was directed down a long, carpeted hallway and led into a room with a couple of chairs, a couch, and various other things.
She stood. "Konnichi-wa, Vegeta-san. I am Takamoto-san." The therapist was tall with long brown hair and green eyes. She looked like she was used to getting a lot of information from her patients. Whether they liked it or not.
"Sure." I took a seat. "Where do we start?"
"Tell me why you're here."
I didn't expect that. "Um, well... Life is driving me crazy!"
"Now Vegeta-san, life holds many wondrous things. If you think about it, I'm sure that you'll find that suicide isn't the way to go."
"Nani?" I asked her blankly. "Who was talking about suicide?"
"Why you were, of course!" She made a note on the pad on her desk.
I shook my head. "I don't want to kill myself. Stop thinking that. I meant that people in my life were giving me problems. It seems *everything* makes me mad these days."
She folded her hands on her desk. "Is there one main person that does that to you? Or is it a lot of people?"
"There is one main person. His name is Kakarotto, but everyone calls him Son Goku. That man is a complete bakayaro!"
"What does Kakarotto do that irritates you?"
"He exists for one." I smirked. "Don't tell this to anyone, but he's more powerful than me and I don't like that."
She blinked and pushed her glasses up higher on the bridge of her nose. "I see. Powerful in what sense?"
"I'm talking warrior-wise onna! His ki is higher than mine!"
She stood and walked over to the window. "It seems to me that you resent his power. But you don't have to do that. You are powerful in your own way."
I jumped to my feet. "No. You don't understand. I am Saiya-jin no Oui! I should be the most powerful by default! That baka is the product of two third-class Saiya-jin."
"Saiya-jin no Oui?" She looked at me. "Vegeta-san, you don't have to trap yourself in a fantasy world to escape the harshness of reality. The world isn't so bad overall."
"Onna, what don't you understand? I am a king!" I slammed my fist down on her thick maple desk. I fell apart in two pieces.
"Oh!" She jumped away and began to speak *very* quickly. "Now Vegeta-san, here's what you need to do. It seems to me that you are very stressed and just need a vacation before you return to society. You and this Kakarotto person have issues so he should come along."
"Now," she shooed me towards the exit. "Please leave."
I stared at the shut door for a moment. "What a strange onna."
I spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall searching for a new Rock t-shirt. I will never forgive Bulma for burning it to ashes in the first place, but at least can replace it.
The minute I got home, however, my calm was destroyed by a crisis.
"That brat stole my CD player!" Trunks shouted at Bra as he chased her around the living room. "Give it back to me!"
"I don't have it Niichan! Why don't you look some more?" She hide behind me and used me as a living shield. I though it was smart. Trunks knew better than to hit me.
"You have it, brat!" He growled at her. "Who else would?"
Picking up Bra, I began to climb the stairs. "Follow me."
We eventually ended up and my room. I placed Bra on the bed, opened the closet door, and rummaged around. In a minute I found what I was looking for.
"Is this it?" I deposited the CD player into Trunks' hands.
"Oh." He smiled at Bra. "I guess you didn't have it after all."
"Baka," she snorted. "I told you."
"But why do you have it, Papa?" He asked. "You don't own any CDs."
"The onna took it. She said since she paid for it, she didn't have to ask. That was what she was using to play her self-improvement tapes. You know? The ones that keep me awake at night?" A thought just occurred to me. "Where is she anyway?"
"Kaasan said that she had a business meeting," Trunks informed me. "She also said that we had to fend for ourselves. That includes food."
I groaned. "Not again! Why does she do these things?"
"Have you ever thought that she was trying to teach you something?" Bra asked. "Like how to survive on your own. She does that to us."
"That because you two are kids! I'm a grown man!"
Trunks smirked. "A grown man who can't cook, wash clothes, or even make his bed! You're no better than Bra." He earned a kick from her for his trouble.
"What do you two want to eat?" I asked. I was feeling nice.
"Curry!" Bra shouted.
"I want Teriyaki!" Her brother shouted even louder.
They would pick fairly complicated dishes, now wouldn't they?
I cleared my thought and got both of their attention. "Pizza it is then."
"That sounds good!" They agreed in unison.