Disclaimer: You know the drill. Nothing belongs to me (and I mean NOTHING) so you can't sue me now. Nyah nyah!
[ ] = my personal comments.
I've got two new anime in this one! It's not just Gundam Wing and Dragon Ball anymore.
After These Messages.... 5!
Commercial #1:
Saiyan Psychic Hotline
(Dragon Ball)
(A voice that is supposed to be soothing speaks.)
Announcer: "Do you want to know about your future? Do you want to know what's going on in the present behind your back? Then the Saiyan Psychic Hotline is for you! We employ only the finest psychics the world has the offer because we don't want to give you fake information."
A short figure sits on a deep purple cushion with a phone headset. He occasionally makes grunting sounds as an indication that he's even listening at all. Every so often the fluffy white towel wrapped around his head slips off slightly and he snaps his fingers for another person to put it back on correctly.
Vegeta: "Ah yes. I see."
(Another finger snap. Trunks moves from behind the scenes, frowning, trying to fix the towel. Finally he shrugs, grabs some diaper pins (in cute little duck heads), and attaches them to the towel. Snickering he moves away.)
Woman on phone: "I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. I want to know if he is for sure."
(Vegeta rises, clad in only a white bed sheet wrapped around his body to hide the embarrassing bits. He brings both index fingers to his temples and began to massage.)
Vegeta: "I'm getting a vision. Your boyfriend, he is fat yes?"
Woman on phone: "Fat NO! Are you a fake?"
Vegeta: "NO I'M NOT! I'M THE REAL DEAL ONNA! (then he calms down) Hmmm. He is your child's father, yes?"
Woman on phone: "You idiot! I don't even have children!"
Vegeta: (eyes narrowing) "Are you saying I'm wrong?"
Woman on phone: "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I? Your information is completely incorrect!"
Vegeta: (about to scream at her again) "WELL I--" (he gets an idea) "Can you give me your address? For payment purposes."
Woman on phone: "I thought my first five minutes were free!"
Vegeta: (laughing loudly) "And you believed us?"
Woman on phone: (grumbling) "Fine. Now, are you gonna get someone else on the phone?"
Vegeta: (smirking) "Oh yes. Right away. KAKAROTT!"
Goku: "Huh?"
Vegeta: "The onna would like to speak to you."
(Vegeta passed him the phone and flew through the ceiling, making a large hole.)
Vegeta: (screaming) "Onna! You're gonna die!"
Goku: "Uh oh. Uh lady? I think you should leave your house."
Woman on phone: "Why?"
(Then there is a loud explosion followed by a shrill scream.)
Goku: (sighing) "Because of that.... VEGETA! That was the seventh person you've killed this week!"
(Trunks then comes in front of the camera and holds up a sign that says: "The Saiyan Psychic Hotline is having a little, er, saiyan difficulty. We will be with you shortly.")
[Not as funny as I wanted it to be but oh well.]
Commercial #2:
Gundam Crunchies
(Gundam Wing)
(Duo sits at a kitchen table examining a bowl of cereal.)
Duo: "Heero? Do you want some?" (He pushes the box toward him.)
Heero: "No baka."
(Duo sticks out his tongue and pulls down his right eye lid.)
Duo: "Anyway, I love Gundam Crunchies! The cereal with little gundams and OZ mobile suits in it!"
(Quatre comes into the room.)
Quatre: "What are you eating Duo-chan?"
(Duo frowns.)
Duo: "I told you guys, Gundam Crunchies. Ya want some?"
Quatre: (making large chibi eyes) "Can I get some Sandrocks? Please?"
Duo: (pouring and then looking at cereal in the bowl) "You know what? It's mostly got Wing ZEROs!"
Quatre: "Really?"
(They both turned to Heero.)
Duo: "Your stupid Gundam is hogging all the space!"
(Wufei and Trowa enter the kitchen. Now all five are seated at the table, arguing over the cereal.)
Trowa: "What about Heavyarms?"
(They (excluding Heero) give him a weird look.)
Duo: "Your crappy Gundam can't even keep enough ammo! That's why it's only like three in the box!"
Trowa: "..."
Wufei: (proudly) "It's obvious that Nataku is the best Gundam."
Duo: (snorting) "Yeah whatever Wufei. Deathscythe Hell *is* the best Gundam! Not Trowa's crappy Heavyarms, not the embodiment of Wufei's dead wife, not Quatre's wussy Sandrock, not even Heero's freaky Gundam with the ZERO system. And you want to know why?"
Quatre: (sniffing with a big tear trailing down his face) "Why?"
Duo: "Because Shinigami says so!"
Heero: (in a warning tone) "Duo."
Duo: "Hai?"
Heero: "Shut up."
Announcer: So eat Gundam Crunchies and you too can be a pilot!
Commercial #3: Story
Time with Mr. Wu
(Gundam Wing)
Announcer: "Hey kids! Learning Inc. has a brand new show for you! It's exciting! It's funny! It's great! It's..."
(HUGE letter flash across the screen)
Announcer: "Story Time with Mr. Wu!"
(A dark blue plush couch comes into view and Wufei is sitting with two kids on each side. There is a rug on the floor loaded with more kids. They're giving him looks of adoration and Wufei's smile is forced.)
(Then the kids began to sing.)
Kids: "I love Wu! Wu loves me! We're a happy family!"
(Wufei's eyes widen and he clamps his hands over his ears.)
Wufei: "NOOO! I can't take any more singing! Stop the singing!"
Kids: (continuing like they never heard him) "With a kiss and a hug and a smile from me to you!"
Wufei: "STOP!"
Kids: "Won't you say you love Wu too?"
(Then they shut up all at the same time and stare at Wufei. Wufei blinks and then looks around.)
Wufei: You're finished?
(No response.)
Wufei: (rolling his eyes) Well, I might as well get started." (he reaches toward a pile of books at his feet and picks one up) "What would you brats like to hear today?"
(Still no answer. It was so quiet, you could hear crickets chirping or a pin drop.)
Wufei: "Whatever." (he holds the book up to the cameras) "Today you're going to hear one of my favorites, The Art of War! Isn't that great?!"
(Finally the kids react. They all start to talk at once.)
Kid #1: "Mr. Wu! I want to hear Green Eggs and Ham!"
Kid #2: "No! I want to hear The Little Engine that Could!"
Wufei: (snorting) "Why? Those are children's books! If you want to learn something that actually might help you in the future, you need to hear my books." (he picks up another) "How about 100 Different Ways of Torture?"
(A small boy snatches the book from his hand and throws it across the room. All of the kids cheer.)
Kid #3: "I wanna hear The Cat in the Hat!"
Kid #4: "But I wanna hear Alice in Wonderland!"
(All of the kids began to nod in agreement at her suggestion.)
Kids: (chanting) "WE WANT ALICE! WE WANT ALICE!"
Wufei: (giving in) "Okay, okay. Let me see if I have it." (He begins to look through the stack of books and one in particular catches his attention. Suddenly blood spurts from his nose.) "Kama Sutra?! What the hell is this book doing here?!"
Announcer: (trying to cover that last bit) "Now kiddies, watch Story Time With Mr. Wu only on PBS!"
Commercial #4:
Girl-Away Cologne
(Tenchi Muyo!)
(Tenchi runs down the hall and then locks himself into a closet. Ayeka and Ryoko are close behind him, each trying to get his attention.)
Ayeka: "Lord Tenchi! Where have you gone?"
Ryoko: "Tenchi my love! Come here and give Ryoko a great big kiss!"
(Both girls stop in their tracks and glare at each other.)
Ayeka: (growling) "He's mine Demon Woman!"
Ryoko: (smirking) "I don't think so princess. Why don't you go somewhere and play with Mihoshi?"
(There is the sound from the closet and both turn towards the door.)
Ayeka & Ryoko: (whispering in unison) In there! (Ryoko powers up and blasts the lock. Then she rams the door with her shoulder, effectively opening it. Tenchi is on his knees underneath a lot of coats, praying. He looks up and gasps."
Ryoko: (squealing) TENCHI!
(Tenchi yells and ducks between her legs, around Ayeka, and into the living room.)
Tenchi: (voiceover) "Do you have this problem? Do you have women chasing you or women who won't leave you alone no matter what you do?"
(Then Washuu comes from her basement lab and steps in front of Tenchi.)
Washuu: (grinning) "How's my little guinea pig today? Hmm? There's this little experiment that I need you to test and..."
(Ryo-Oh-Ki runs into the room straight for Tenchi with a carrot in her mouth. Sasami is chasing her and shouting.)
Sasami: "That was very bad Ryo-Oh-Ki! Stealing food like that!"
(Tenchi groans, darts around Washuu, and runs from the house.)
Tenchi: (voiceover) "Do weird little animals called cabbits fall into the category too?"
(The scene freezes and changes to one of Tenchi sitting in a chair with his hands folded.)
Tenchi: "If it does, then you need Girl-Away Cologne. This stuff works great! Now they all leave me alone!"
(The scene changes to one of all of the girls avoiding Tenchi like the plague and holding their noses. Yosho and Nobuyuki enter the room and quickly cover their noses.)
Nobuyuki: "Ugh Tenchi! What died in here?"
Yosho: "Tenchi, if you wanted to keep the ladies away, you could have just moved."
Tenchi: (sniffing with clothespin on his nose) "I don't smell anything."
Announcer: So everyone who has an excessive girl problem, call 1-800-GET-AWAY now!
Commercial #5:
Instant Nannichaun
(Ranma 1/2)
Shampoo: "Nihao! This Shampoo. If you born boy but have girl-type then this stuff for you!" (she holds up a small packet) "This Instant Nannichaun! Add only water and hop in."
(Ranma (in girl form) wanders by where Shampoo is standing in front of the Tendo Dojo and she grabs her arm.)
Ranma-chan: (blinking) "What are ya doin'? Let me go!"
(Shampoo uses her great Amazon strength and drags Ranma-chan all the way to the Neko Hanten.)
Shampoo: (once they were in the bathroom) "Jump in water, Ranma."
Ranma-chan: (suspiciously) "Why? Why should I? What are you up to Shampoo?"
Shampoo: (holding up the packet and looking innocent) Shampoo only want best for Ranma." (she begins to pout) "You no trust Shampoo?"
Ranma-chan: (shaking head) "Of course not! You get me in more trouble-"
(Shampoo hurries, pours in the white powder in the hot water and pushes Ranma in. His head pops up immediately and he spits out water.)
Ranma-kun: "Shampoo..."
Shampoo: (smiling) "That Instant Nannichaun Ranma! You now boy!"
(Ranma grins and hugs Shampoo hard.)
Ranma-kun: "I have my manhood back! Whoo hoo!" (He hugs her again and skips out of the bathroom.)
Shampoo: (whispering into the camera) "Instant Nannichaun. Effect lasts only till rainfall."
(Thunder booms and lightning flashes outside. Ranma trudges into the angry and clearly female.)
Ranma: (screaming) "YOU LIAR!"
Shampoo: Shampoo no say it was permanent.
It's been a long time since the last one. Any one have any ideas for some commercials (you get full credit)? Unfortunately, it's limited to anime that I know a lot about. This includes Dragon Ball, Gundam Wing, El Hazard, Tenchi, Sailor Moon, Ranma, Outlaw Star, Digimon, and Samurai Troopers (Ronin Warriors). This is changed if you write one and submit it yourself. You get full credit but please e-mail it to me instead of leaving it in the comment box. Arigatou!