Disclaimer: Standard ones apply. =)

GW Note: Are you a Relena fan? Then it's not really a good idea for you to read the GW ones. Not shounen ai (boy love), but take it as you will. Though I have no problem whatsoever with the concept. To each his own.

The Big Book of Bra's Tricks
(Dragon Ball Z)

(We see Chibi Bra sitting on a wooden stool in front of a sign that reads, 'The Big Book of Bra's Tricks'. She holds a rather thick book in her hands as she faces full front.)

Bra: Hello! Kids, are you sick and tired of parents bossing you around? Would you like to get revenge? Then this book is for you! It includes such parent-torture as #29-a[1], constantly mention that your parent is weaker than someone else. Or how about 65-b; a classic. The old tantrum in a public place trick. It always works wonders. Or better yet, how about trick number 10; hiding the asprin and then get them to do whatever you want so they can have it back. Those are just some of the many, many wonderful things to be found in this book of mine. But oh! The possibilities are limitless! It's only 99.99 zenni so call 1-800-TORTURE. That's right folks, 1-800-TORTURE. Cash, checks, money orders, and all major credit cards accepted. (She grins widely and waves) Ja ne!

***

[1] All three tricks are first mentioned in my DBZ story, Wild Saiyan Kingdom (the Bra part). The first two are actually performed.

York Peppermint Patties
(Dragon Ball Z)

Announcer: (holding a mike in Piccolo's face) Piccolo-san, would you kiss Vegeta for a York Peppermint Patty?

Piccolo: HELL NO! I'm a Namek anyway, bakayaro, I can't eat peppermint patties!

Announcer: (this time it's in Bra's face) Bra-chan, would you clean your brothers room for a York Peppermint Patty?

Bra: Excuse me sir, but have you seen niichans room lately? (the man shook his head no) I thought so. A starving man wouldn't do it.

Announcer: (it's Gokus turn) Son Goku, would you give up fighting for a York Peppermint Patty?

Goku: (mouth drops open) Just one?! (announcer nods) NO WAY! I can't eat just one!

Vegeta's voice: (from a distance) Baka! That's chips!

Goku: (blank look) Really? Then I've been doing it wrong all of these years?

Vegeta's voice: Idiot.

Announcer: (it's now Veggie-chans turn) Vegeta-ouji, would you become Goku's best-friend for a York Peppermint Patty?

(Vegeta looks at the patty, then at Goku, then at the patty, then at Goku again. Finally he made up his mind. He snatched the patty, ki blasted the man, and flew off.)

Goku: (flying after him) Vegeta! What did you do that for?!

Vegeta: (innocently) What? He didn't say I couldn't.

Duo Maxwell, Attorney at Law
(Gundam Wing)

(Duo is sitting behind a desk, in a dark gray suit, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the table.)

Duo: Hey everybody! Shinigami here. Do you need legal representation? Well, I'm the man for you! Just look at all these happy customers!

(Cut to Quatre)

Quatre: When my gundam exploded before I even hit self-destruct, I was badly injured. Duo Maxwell helped me to get the care I needed and he also helped to sue Mr. H. Now I'm even richer than before! (he grins widely)

(Back to Duo)

Duo: You see? I'm good! I can even help you with those 'next to impossible' cases.

(Cut to Heero)

Heero: This pest, Relena Peacecraft, just wouldn't leave me alone! I had got a restraining order, but she thought just because she was the "Queen of the World" and that she had power, it didn't really apply to her. That was before the fatal gunshot wound. Duo Maxwell got me off scott free and now the Peacecrafts owe me money! Thanks Duo!

(Back to Duo)

Duo: I am the best! So for all your legal needs call 1-800-Sexy-Duo. That's 1-800-7399-386. You're guaranteed to win, or your non-refundable deposite fee back.

My Three Saiyans
(Dragon Ball Z)

(Goku, Gohan, & Vegeta make up the group.)

Announcer: Now, for a one time only offer of 19.95 zenni, you can own the classic debut album, My Three Saiyans! It features songs such as:
1. Ki, Ki, Blast Me Away
2. Villians Just Don't Know When to Quit
3. Broken Bones
4. Pride of the Saiyan

And much, much more!

And if you order within 30 seconds, you can get this bonus cd, A Very Merry Super Saiyan Christmas absoulutely free!
This cd has songs such as:
1. Deck the Baka with my Fist
2. Jingle Ki
3. Little Nerdy Boy
4. Joy to the World, Kakarotto's Dead

And this one has 10 more!

So don't miss out on the deal of a life time! Call 1-800-BAKA-NOW, that's 1-800-BAKA-NOW. Cash, checks, money orders, and Capsule Corp. Express are accepted.

Relena-B-Gone
(Gundam Wing)

(Not to be confused with Relena Repellent because it's nothing like it.)

(Heero was working on ZERO in the hangar when he heard that familair voice shrieking for him.)

"HEEEEEROOOOO~OOOOOO! WHERE ARE YOOOOOU HEEEEEEROOOOOO~OOOOO?"

(Heero winced but he didn't run. Not this time. He was prepared. So he went back to work on his gundam, waiting patiently for the Peacecraft girl.)

Relena: (looking all around) Heero?! Are you in here?! (she found him in ZERO's cockpit) There you are silly! Are you hiding from me? (she giggles at something only she thinks is funny.)

Heero: (jumping down and walking right over to her) Konichi-wa Relena-sama.

Relena: (giggling) Oh Heero-koi, you are so funny!

Heero: (rolling his eyes and stopping five feet from her) I would stay right there if I were you.

Relena: (confused) Why? (she moves a step closer to the object of her obsession)

Heero: (staying put) I'm warning you!

Relena: (grinning, thinking it's some kind of weird game, she ran all the way up to him and proceeded to glomp him) Got ya!

(Then sirens started to go off and lights began to flash. "WARNING! YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE BISHOUNEN! BACK AWAY FROM THE BISHOUNEN!")

Relena: (looking at Heero's face and blinking) Nani?

Mechanical voice: I REPEAT, BACK AWAY FROM THE BISHOUNEN! THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!

(Then the cops came along with the men in the white coats.)

Cop: Yuy-san, which one of us do you need?

(Heero pretended to think it over.)

Heero: (pointing) I think you're suitable.

Relena: (being dragged away) Heero! Why? WHY?!

Heero: (turning to the cops) I won't need you again. I don't think she'll escape from the funny farm.

(Then a logo comes up onto the screen. It was a picture of Relena with a red diagonal slash and a circle over it.)

Announcer: Relena-B-Gone. It works, so you don't have to go and commit suicide.

Heero: The alarm on my person was my idea, what it was programmed to say, however, was Duo's. {He thought it would be funny.}

Japanese Terms to know:

Koi (short for koibito): lover
Bishounen: beautiful male
Shinigami: God of Death
Nani: What
Baka: Idiot
Ki: life energy
Chibi: little
Chan: suffix meaning dear
Ouji: suffix meaning prince
Sama: suffix for respect
San: suffix meaning Mr./Mrs.
Bakayaro: big idiot
Niichan: brother

I think that's all. Please comment! (I love 'em) =)